While Mike Primavera already does a pretty damn good job with his coed weekly funny tweet roundup, we also think that until women get paid as much as men, it’s our duty to single out funny female tweets. Here’s what fire the funny ladies of the Tweeter brought this week.
DISCLAIMER: the headline “23 Women Who Made Us Piss Our Pants Laughing This Week” is a bit misleading. Truth be told, no one makes us piss our pants. We do it because we like it.
— c a d d d d d d 🦋 (@cadnaour) November 8, 2019
How can my girl get dm’ed by a whole inmate LOOOOOOL man said, ‘dOn’T mOvE MaD bUt AtTeMpTeD mUrDeR’ 😭😭😭😭😭 pic.twitter.com/rajDoANkhi
— Simms (@simmaakx) November 5, 2019
When I'm bored I go around putting
these stickers on paper towel
— Sofia Paredes (@SofiaParedes79) November 4, 2019
I can NOT believe my mom just vibe checked my aunt pic.twitter.com/arL5BqYIuQ
— cal? (@cal_gif) November 4, 2019
I am at that age when “My Neck, My Back” ceases to be a sexy song and is instead a cry for help.
— Tressie McMillan Cottom (@tressiemcphd) October 15, 2019
losing my mind over my great-grandmother’s Catholic school yearbook pic.twitter.com/RveaKRUUZ6
— allison (@allisongeroi) November 4, 2019
I just realized that the word "Dorito" implies the existence of a larger, adulter, possibly more delicious "Doro"
— Maya Shwayder (@MayaErgas) November 7, 2019
The wildest thing about 1999 was the number of us who were straight up angry not to be mentioned in Mambo No. 5.
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) November 6, 2019
wow My Chemical Romance got back together AND Rage Against the Machine did too?
fingers crossed my parents are next!
— Kellen (@captainkalvis) November 5, 2019
– turns sex into an object
– places pressure on the decision
– you don’t actually lose or take anything ?
– all focus is on u
– suggests a musical number is involved
— lotty (@lottydoes) November 4, 2019
day 3 of daylight savings: pic.twitter.com/SQqrf9JaTj
— ★mir★ (@mirahope_) November 6, 2019
the greatest lie the devil ever told was that you would get up and finish that project in the morning
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) November 8, 2019
My Olive Garden
cheese on my Me
— 1984’s George Whorewell (@EwdatsGROSS) November 7, 2019
I don’t care for math. if a number wants to get different that’s none of my business
— kimmy (@ka_waltz) November 2, 2019
No one told me being an adult would involve this much worry about my trash pickup days.
— The Betty (@BoomBoomBetty) October 15, 2019
Small children who dress as Batman must be forced to fight crime. To teach them a lesson, about lying
— Deirdre (@figgled) February 2, 2016
Sometimes I see a big leaf on the ground and I'm like "dang were you that big on the tree? that's why you fell off dude"
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) January 23, 2016
I fucking hate grocery store check out screens asking me if I want to donate $20 to end child hunger or whatever. You’re a $10 billion corporation. I’m using a coupon to get 50 cents off a bag of potatos. Why don’t YOU donate $20 to end child hunger
— Rebecca Watson (@rebeccawatson) November 3, 2019
when he tells u he has a savings account https://t.co/2Dtfvn1nsv
— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) November 2, 2019
Yes, I’ve seen it. Yes, it’s funny. pic.twitter.com/EsEcCiuRh3
— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) November 8, 2019
what I looked like on halloween vs the picture I sent my dad pic.twitter.com/6dtE0wNZp0
— lil trisha vert 🕊 (@trishasucks) November 3, 2019
on who they selling water parks on aliexpress pic.twitter.com/71WDUr1U2i
— hu$$y 🥺 (@ghettoahegao) November 4, 2019
There is a fellow introvert on the Sephora customer experience team who deserves A RAISE RIGHT NOW pic.twitter.com/4Aan7lUyVD
— Cami Williams (@cwillycs) November 4, 2019