Mike
It’s Friday and that means it’s time for the best tweets of the week. It also means I’m going to finish making this, then sit on the couch and watch Disney+ nonstop until Monday morning. Everyone wins.
1.
Drinking the forbidden tea pic.twitter.com/vETtR1eYq6
— Dr. Spooky Sloth™️ (@SeattleSloth_) November 12, 2019
2.
This is Narwhal. He was born with an extra tail on his forehead. It hasn’t wagged yet but he’s working on it. 14/10 always read the instructions before assembling your puppy pic.twitter.com/ge8B0KlLa3
— WeRateDogs® (@dog_rates) November 13, 2019
3.
The Black Plague was a PR disaster for rats as a species. They never truly recovered until 2007 (release of Ratatouille)
— Matthew Frederickson (@itsmattfred) November 12, 2019
4.
when i bought my giant crystal ball the lady looked me in the eye and said “whatever you do, never EVER leave it uncovered when youre not home” and i said “oh wow because of spirits?” and she said “what? no bc if the sun hits it weird it’ll burn down your house”
important lesson
— Anthony Oliveira (@meakoopa) November 12, 2019
5.
how did i get so lucky?!? 😍 pic.twitter.com/MxC1rdFUoT
— teddy v 2.0 (@teddyvalenzuela) November 12, 2019
6.
[McDonald’s]
cashier: small, medium, or large fry
me: yes
cashier: i don’t understand
me: sorry [leaning close] McYes
— 🎁 xmas skier 🎁 40 days left (@clichedout) November 12, 2019
7.
let’s make a deal: if we’re both single when we’re 40 we’ll meet up together in a neutral area and hunt each other for sport
— dirt bike mike (@02dirtbikemike) November 10, 2019
8.
It probably did https://t.co/s0ueHFXEXF
— Big Remix DJ 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) November 8, 2019
9.
“Your tweet has reached 100 likes. Please wait, an out of context weirdo will be assigned to you shortly.”
— Gregor Schwayer (@gremisch) November 10, 2019
10.
if your dog is over 8 years old (56 in dog years) then your dog is a boomer, sorry
— jonny sun (@jonnysun) November 8, 2019
11.
my friend quinton has duplicate art near the floor for his cat and it’s honestly my favorite thing ever pic.twitter.com/TaPuRgsxYE
— mate (@AlwaysAButt) November 9, 2019
12.
pullout method rebrand pic.twitter.com/YPvA5xx1oA
— Molly Priddy (@mollypriddy) November 12, 2019
13.
a pink bullet traveling over 1000 feet per second passes through my prefrontal cortex, severs my corpus callosum, and exits through my occipital lobe, killing me instantly. Everyone cheers. It’s a girl
— chuuch (@ch000ch) November 10, 2019
14.
“what am i gonna do on my first day in prison? approach the biggest toughest guy in the joint and CHALLENGE HIM TO A BALLOON RACE AROUND THE WORLD” pic.twitter.com/l1qXbTY4qp
— josh androsky (@ShutUpAndrosky) November 15, 2019
15.
omg, this is the full movie title? https://t.co/G1IBTCC93A
— Blanche Devereaux stan (@prominentbabee) November 12, 2019