Jason Mustian
While Mike Primavera already does a pretty damn good job with his coed weekly funny tweet roundup, we also think that until women get paid as much as men, it’s our duty to single out funny female tweets. Here’s what fire the funny ladies of the Tweeter brought this week.
DISCLAIMER: the headline “23 Women Who Made Us Piss Our Pants Laughing This Week” is a bit misleading. Truth be told, no one makes us piss our pants. We do it because we like it.
1.
UX Is My Passion 🥰 pic.twitter.com/kRA9OqkOgU
— Caree Youngman (@careecodes) November 14, 2019
2.
Always lifting my girl up in many different ways and here’s one of them pic.twitter.com/YhY5eHfD03
— jerm (@defnotjerm) November 10, 2019
3.
i am going to buy so many fucking flamingos pic.twitter.com/D6NMqhSOu5
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) November 11, 2019
4.
Since I only have 180 followers I feel comfortable presenting this video to you all. You’re welcome pic.twitter.com/iPRO5pnsuV
— she who shall not be named (@thatoneleafgirl) November 9, 2019
5.
People say committees don’t work but that’s bc they haven’t seen a group of women gather to help one person draft & send a risky text
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) November 15, 2019
6.
john legend reading y’all’s reactions to his people cover pic.twitter.com/FlHhXgfeud
— hot girl midsommar (@Ianakane) November 13, 2019
7.
8.
I waaant something else/To get me through this pic.twitter.com/P8fMalmgxF
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) November 12, 2019
9.
a girl from my due date group on fb is having a c-section on december 25th and wants to name her daughter “krissmiss dae”… she asked for opinions or other holiday name ideas and i suggested noelle or ivy… and she replied “eh idk those are kinda weird sounding”
— (@mimithemama) November 11, 2019
10.
you’re telling me that when i email people they are gonna email me back again and then i have to answer THAT email, too? what the fuck
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) November 12, 2019
11.
i’m going to give my plants some coca cola on christmas and nobody , not one of you losers, can stop me
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) November 12, 2019
12.
Most of being an adult is whispering “fuck this” while doing it anyway
— Elisabeth (@YourMomsucksTho) November 14, 2019
13.
Now that’s its live I can finally announce my new show on Disney + “Can Get It” the show where we look at the hottest animated characters and vote on which one we will let smash. Our first ep is the “Fox Edition” where walt’s finest foxes battle on who can rearrange these guts. pic.twitter.com/UdVhNiQOuh
— Whacktose Intolerant (@MillyTamarez) November 12, 2019
14.
Maybe you accomplished something this decade. Maybe you didn’t. I still haven’t crushed a wine glass with one bare hand while staring down a dinner guest, but that’s what the 2020s are for.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) November 13, 2019
15.
centipede: *walking by*
Ariel: whoa what’d you trade
— jo diggity (@WhaJoTalkinBout) November 15, 2019
16.
How do I date if I hate using dating apps? “Go out” in “public?” Fuckin “talk to people?” Demented. Not to mention illegal
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) November 13, 2019
17.
This is the official Length of times:
2010-2014 – a decade
2015 – five years
2016 – hasn’t ended
2017-2019 – not possible to be quantified in years, not sure how you would even think that years would be a helpful way to think about them— Ariana Lenarsky (@aardvarsk) November 13, 2019
18.
Guy: Do you want to hangout?
Girl: Ok, but just as friends.Girl: Do you want to have sex?
Guy: Ok, but just as friends.— Caitlin Ruppert (@CaitlinRuppert) November 13, 2019
19.
business plan:
1. get an IUD
2. let him hit it raw
3. “i want you to cum in me baby”
4. call him next day & ask for plan b
5. stack that 54 dollars
6. find a new man
7. repeat— AIDA (@shutupaida) November 10, 2019
20.
if you ever hate yourself just remember that last year i hosted thanksgiving for my family and i told them to park in the wrong spot and every single persons car got towed
— Danya (@dxxnya) November 13, 2019
21.
Is there anything lamer than “sexy” holiday ad copy? It’s always the same: “You’re gonna thank Santa” and “he’s gonna stuff your stocking”, and “Santa and his elves are fucking your gifts day and night, using their ribbons of cum to make you smile on Christmas morning.”
— Lindsay Goldwert (@lindsaygoldwert) November 14, 2019
22.
23.
pullout method rebrand pic.twitter.com/YPvA5xx1oA
— Molly Priddy (@mollypriddy) November 12, 2019