Jason Mustian
While Mike Primavera already does a pretty damn good job with his coed weekly funny tweet roundup, we also think that until women get paid as much as men, it’s our duty to single out funny female tweets. Here’s a list of the best weekly tweets we saw in 2019.
1.
say it ain’t so
i will not go
turn the lights off pic.twitter.com/EmFbBTsvMX— deck the halls w kimmymonte ❄️ (@KimmyMonte) October 12, 2019
2.
When you have two seconds to name your movie and you look around the room https://t.co/1SUyZmQU5M
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) October 14, 2019
3.
I stay up at night wondering why my family is so disappointed in me and then I’m like “heh oh yah” pic.twitter.com/BiPkUCbRQ2
— Haley Willams (@halexwilli) September 20, 2019
4.
I’m only gonna say this once but Jake Gyllenhaal looks so much like the lion from Madagascar pic.twitter.com/AGhZKAIFPD
— Luc (@ellkay_) July 4, 2019
5.
She was on a break https://t.co/W3sihPUWFF
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) August 20, 2019
6.
almost 22 years ago 2 people had sex and now i have to go to work everyday
— bam its sam✨ (@saaamscottt6) October 16, 2019
7.
i cant believe cardi b named her daughter bernie sanders pic.twitter.com/CLm2eBdzDV
— trish (@ULTRAGLOSS) October 11, 2019
8.
Straight line:
_______________________________Dashed line:
____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____ ____Girl from my high school who thinks she’s an influencer:
——————————— Lindsay Carbone (@LindsayCarbone8) October 16, 2019
9.
men hitting on a painting pic.twitter.com/QW9BUpeYP5
— Kitty Wenham-Ross (@kittywenham) August 19, 2019
10.
Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life
— Jia Tolentino (@jiatolentino) November 19, 2019
11.
no one:
married girls on insta: being in love is the HARDEST thing ever but so WORTH IT we fight NONSTOP but we love like CRAZY I fucking HATE my husband but that’s just part of being in LOVE true love is DIRTY & HARD but so REWARDING I LOVE doing his LAUNDRY & wiping his ASS— yeet pray love (@sarahndipity18) October 7, 2019
12.
Sister got engaged this weekend and I dressed as a bush in the wilderness to watch/capture the moment. We are 1 yr apart.. why are our lives so different rofl pic.twitter.com/cE14RBZ9CL
— therese merkel (@theresemerkel) September 23, 2019
13.
me: *hits spider web down with broom*
spider: wow
me: *puts up fake spider web decorations for Halloween*
spider: WOW
— ugly & sad (@SpookyGothLoser) October 5, 2019
14.
This magazine in my therapist’s has waiting room really looks like aliens trying to make a magazine to throw us off the scent. pic.twitter.com/cpzJXMdSib
— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) October 2, 2019
15.
Before coffee: I want to die
After coffee: Alright! Let’s buy the rope
— Rachel McCartney (@RachelMComedy) September 30, 2019
16.
i was asked to tweet this pic.twitter.com/GZD5qxk8xl
— juulianna (@wtfjulz) July 2, 2019
17.
“yo they lookin for u outside, i bit a kid.” pic.twitter.com/g3BKz2eHvp
— pauline (@icywiifey) June 30, 2019
18.
i get nervous when a product has a new look so you can imagine my relief to discover it’s the same great formula
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) October 18, 2019
19.
1: Think you gotta keep her iced, you don’t.
2: Think shes gonna spend your cash, she won’t.
3: Think she wanna drive your Benz, she don’t.
4: If she wanna floss, she got her own.
5: Even if you were broke, her love don’t cost a thing. https://t.co/MWmpi2k10Y
— amber ruffin (@ambermruffin) August 20, 2019
20.
I did the thing where I let my 2½-year-old nephew take over my Animoji and he mostly had one question pic.twitter.com/uz7egeLOg2
— Jen Lewis (@thisjenlewis) October 3, 2019
21.
Sucks when u dress hot and then u don’t see anyone important and then u have to take off the outfit at the end of the day pretending you dressed up “for yourself”
— Rachel Sennott (@Rachel_Sennott) October 17, 2019
22.
I’ve just convinced my mate that the inside of a cheese grater is in fact, a sick new nightclub pic.twitter.com/CQO75l8xvB
— Fallon Carrington (@jem_jemxoxo) October 3, 2019
23.
date: can you take off your work gloves
Jim Henson: they have names
— jo diggity (@WhaJoTalkinBout) October 4, 2019
24.
https://twitter.com/geekylonglegs/status/1196103825783955456
25.
Me: should I just text him again?
everyone: https://t.co/7YHs9Sjhv5
— (@kayyorkcity) September 30, 2019