Jason Mustian
While Mike Primavera already does a pretty damn good job with his coed weekly funny tweet roundup, we also think that until women get paid as much as men, it’s our duty to single out funny female tweets. Here’s what fire the funny ladies of the Tweeter brought this week.
DISCLAIMER: the headline “23 Women Who Made Us Pee Our Pants Laughing This Week” is a bit misleading. Truth be told, no one makes us piss our pants. We do it because we like it.
1.
2.
no one still wants to fight me after I gently remove my earrings and swallow them
— jo diggity (@WhaJoTalkinBout) March 4, 2019
3.
I respect the moon’s unwillingness to be photographed on a phone
— Molly Lambert (@mollylambert) December 12, 2019
4.
when you tweet an opinion about Star Wars https://t.co/jNnyX03MHY
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) December 12, 2019
5.
https://twitter.com/puppyporunga/status/1203401345040031744
6.
my boyfriend said “oh my god my cat looks like baby yoda” and i look over and sure enough pic.twitter.com/lAMfGbetF0
— *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ (@BLOODTHRSTYXBBY) December 8, 2019
7.
i went out for my birthday and i’m vegan so they gave me a single slice of banana instead of cake pic.twitter.com/pLjEFwaMb8
— Yazmin ⓥ (@yazisAlright) December 7, 2019
8.
This is Adam Driver https://t.co/DZV5kX6VA9
— Liz Charboneau (@lizchar) December 12, 2019
9.
cinematic parallels pic.twitter.com/qbxtpvldOh
— ellie sunakawa (@elliesunakawa) December 9, 2019
10.
https://twitter.com/ambermruffin/status/1204186467091787778
11.
my dad who “didn’t want a cat” showing Lucas every item of the weekly shop because “he wants to see what we’ve got” pic.twitter.com/Uka5eccZZm
— ruby (@roobeekeane) December 11, 2019
12.
“Someone is Putting Cowboy Hats on Pigeons in Las Vegas” – a song by me and the @nytimes pic.twitter.com/QpOipp52E1
— Hannah Solow (@hamstertalk) December 12, 2019
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14.
Took Me Eleven Minutes to do That Thing I’ve Been Avoiding for Three Months: A Memoir
— Kimberly King Parsons (@kkingparsons) December 9, 2019
15.
every alt guy in 2019 pic.twitter.com/kWKdXzJ9Rk
— ko ⛓⚰️ (@magicalbody) December 11, 2019
16.
An animorphs book cover but it’s me turning into my mom
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) December 11, 2019
17.
Did you know that you can buy fake teeth online and just glue them to whatever the hell you want? pic.twitter.com/OCxuVCFjZW
— abby russell (@ybbaaabby) December 9, 2019
18.
past me: don’t write this down, you’ll remember it
present me: you lying BITCH— madrigal (@whatmaddness) December 11, 2019
19.
Man what the FUCK are poets talking about
— KENDRA (@internetkendra) December 10, 2019
20.
If my husband bought me a Peleton, I'd spend a year making selfie videos of me drying my bras on it.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) December 3, 2019
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22.
i often think about the guy i had over once who yelled “alexa” in the middle of us making out to put on some music despite the fact that i do not have an alexa
— Sarah Everett (@goddammitsarah) December 11, 2019
23.
i want what she has pic.twitter.com/yFZ9R1RBEy
— (@bjorks_strapon) December 12, 2019