Disturbing Vintage Christmas Cards That Aren’t Around Anymore For A Reason (22 Pics)

People like to say how messed up things are today but all you have to do is look at antique Christmas cards to realize things used to be way worse. Like, by a lot. You’d have 10 kids and 3 of them would die of disease and 2 would be eaten by bears. No one brushed their teeth or wore deodorant. Your only entertainment was a guy in town who could juggle. So, during the most joyous and festive time of the year, these cards were all they could muster.

1. Yeah, a Happy Christmas if you’re the bear.

2. Emu causing a scremu.

3. Is this a threat?

4. And when I hear you start to snore, I’ll gently twerk outside your door.

5. Right before the birds stormed Frankenstein Castle.

6. This is absolutely a threat.

7. Jack Frost is canceled.

8. This from Cthulhu?

9. “Kill me!” – this thing

10. From dimension X-27.

11. A nice card from your cat.

12. This puts the “no” in “snowman”

13. The Pennywise prequel looks terrible.

14. Hail Santa.

15. The call is coming from inside the house.

16. Not sure what to say about this one but I’ll be bringing it up in therapy.

17. These pigs seem very horny.

18. My grandpa only had one testicle.

19. The Yule Tide Carolers and their backup singers Screamy and Butthole Mouth.

20. You trying to sell me roast beef?

21. If Krampus was a naughty kitty?

22. Merry LSD Trip.

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Mike Primavera

Mike Primavera is a Chicago-based comedy writer even though he doesn't HAVE to work. He lives comfortably off of his family's pasta fortune. Follow him on all social media at @primawesome