Jason Mustian
While Mike Primavera already does a pretty damn good job with his coed weekly funny tweet roundup, we also think that until women get paid as much as men, it’s our duty to single out funny female tweets. Here’s what fire the funny ladies of the Tweeter brought this week.
DISCLAIMER: the headline “23 Women Who Made Us Pee Our Pants Laughing This Week” is a bit misleading. Truth be told, no one makes us piss our pants. We do it because we like it.
1.
Meredith literally cross stitch rick rolled me for Christmas pic.twitter.com/mWv0Dgxocd
— Marina (@marinaamiller) December 25, 2019
2.
My mom decided to invent Baby Yoda margaritas. This is not what I expected. And it’s amazing. pic.twitter.com/ugi4TWU5AB
— Paige Pettoruto Hallmark Special (@Akiora) December 24, 2019
3.
kris jenner missing kim’s entire speech while she tries to figure out how to use IG live is my new favorite thing pic.twitter.com/NT4S5VEQKr
— lex (@lexmichaela) December 25, 2019
4.
I got Disney+ because I GOTTA know if baby boy yods actually takes a sweet lil sip from that big ol’ mug pic.twitter.com/pKvBGy6wJL
— Alison Agosti (@AlisonAgosti) December 19, 2019
5.
Gonna have my pussy appraised at Antiques Roadshow one day
— Rachel Fisher (@TheRachelFisher) December 25, 2019
6.
miso just took a shower. didn’t cry or scratch me. she get treat. pic.twitter.com/92hZ3v3YKf
— queen quen (@quenblackwell) December 22, 2019
7.
Imagine looking at this high pic.twitter.com/n97YjwUPig
— Ariana Lenarsky (@aardvarsk) December 25, 2019
8.
parents love to have showers that vacillate between two temperatures (lukewarm and on fire) based on an unknowable and perhaps supernatural system
— Kath Barbadoro (@kathbarbadoro) December 23, 2019
9.
Sorry but “tender and mild” is an absolutely nuts way to describe a baby you’re not trying to eat!
— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) December 23, 2019
10.
that’s adam driver https://t.co/tyhVoGuPM5
— julia reinstein (@juliareinstein) December 23, 2019
11.
Just finished sanding my tires so that my car will ride smoother on the interstate and honestly I kind of love this look pic.twitter.com/3uMoucwgEO
— ali (@alifanacct) December 22, 2019
12.
did a pretty good job fielding questions like “why do we have teeth” from this three-year old but he’s got me stumped with “why are you?”
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) December 24, 2019
13.
My dad bought a stuffed animal pug at CVS because someone was returning it in front of him in line and he didnt want it to feel unloved at the holidays
— Natalie Walker (@nwalks) December 24, 2019
14.
Charlie Brown is an adult now. Snoopy is merely a security question.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) December 23, 2019
15.
po•wer cou•ple | noun
1. Two straight ppl I’ve never heard of posing in front of a mall Christmas tree, I guess?
2. I can’t even tell if they both have jobs. Maybe they work at the mall?
3. Why did Instagram stop serving me chihuahua content?— Taylor Ortega (@taylor_ortega) December 22, 2019
16.
a coworker just said “thank you baby jesus” about a work thing and a very christian woman i work with said “jesus isn’t a baby anymore” and the original coworker said “what” and the christian one went “god grew up amanda”
— tara shoe (@tarashoe) December 21, 2019
17.
I see reviews of the decade about to end and different cultural milestones that defined us but I believe few moments represent the ’10s better than this: a common person taking a complex task in their hands with no skill or preparation delivering a perplexing result for posterity pic.twitter.com/qXdtPvH9ns
— Flavia Dzodan (@redlightvoices) December 20, 2019
18.
Men who’ve never lived with women: you need a garbage can in your bathroom if you ever plan of having women as guests. Just trust me on this one.
Cannot believe how many dudes don’t get this.
— Hilary Agro (@hilaryagro) December 20, 2019
19.
maybe I’M the toxic one pic.twitter.com/6Vfw3WxUwZ
— g (@gkforty7) December 27, 2019
20.
My family doesn’t appreciate my biblically accurate angel cookie pic.twitter.com/3sgyCYt9bJ
— Sarah Linders (@VelociSarah) December 26, 2019
21.
oh you’re a lesbian couple? which one of you is constantly cold and which one of you radiates heat for the other one to steal?
— it’s dyke time ⚔️⚢ (@dykecrossing) December 24, 2019
22.
Does Rudy think Air Bud was present at Jesus’ birth https://t.co/EuEPqsC7Wc
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) December 26, 2019
23.
my dad and my gf trying to figure out how to make boxed mac & cheese together is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen pic.twitter.com/m2uV6vBkck
— Anj (@anj3llyfish) December 28, 2019