No one is perfect. If you spend your life waiting for someone to check every box you want to be checked, you’re going to end up all alone. Luckily, there are plenty of successful, attractive folks out there who just happen to be complete idiots. If you can live with that, there really are plenty of fish in the sea.
1. The wife said there was so much Sodium, they just put OMG.
2. My wife tried cooking Thanksgiving dinner for us and actually burned the cookbook.
3. My Gf asked me why do I have a Jesus figure.
4. My wife texted to tell me her car smelled like it was burning. Turns out she drove 18 miles with my push-broom under her car.
5. My friend’s wife doesn’t understand perspective.
6. My girlfriend, who’s in college for brain and behavioral neuroscience, moved into her dorm yesterday and was having trouble setting up the Apple TV I bought her…
7. I proposed to my GF this weekend and proceeded to drop the ring down a gopher hole.
9. Asked bf to put away our dog after letting the dog out to pee. He insisted he could handle it even though he had just received Dilauded at the hospital for a kidney stone. Bf was completely baffled as to why I was looking at him strangely.
10. I swallowed a tweezers. My boyfriend came to the hospital to meet me before surgery and I said ‘Did you say you were here for the girl that swallowed the tweezers?’ He said ‘Of course! When am I ever going to be able to use that line again?!?’
11. Friend sends me pic of his new truck, my GF wanted to know why it had a little Waffle House in the back.
12. My wife thought she bought me socks with palm trees on them. Bless her heart, she had no idea.
13. My wife got our daughters matching shirts. ಠ_ಠ
14. Asked wife to pick up some bleach while she was out doing errands. Her exact words after I looked at this like WTF was “It was a little pricy but at least it smells good and not like all the other bleach.”
15. My wife complained there was no code on the scratch card she was given..
16. Not sure the wife understands what freezer bags are for…
17. I asked my girlfriend how badly her screen was cracked after she dropped her phone… she sent this.
18. My gf wondered why I bought plates for Christmas that said “OH OY OH” on them… I had to tell her she was holding them upside down.
19. My psycho girlfriend uses a timer to wake up instead of an alarm.
20. My wife using an outlet.
I had a fever lastnight and my boyfriend thought the thermometer was a pregnancy test 😂😂 pic.twitter.com/uA1WWIhLos
— VN$A (@VNSAMRE) February 5, 2019
22. I’ve heard of “painting yourself into a corner” but my wife took it a step further. I don’t even know…
23. Asked my wife to look for a Chucky mask so I could scare the kids. She’s too innocent.
24. I told my wife to set a reminder on her phone. Apparently we have different ideas of what that means.
My husband was unloading groceries the other day & asked if the chicken could go in the freezer. I said yes just separate it into ziplocs (easier to thaw the amount we need for a meal). Just looked in the freezer this morning & both packages are like this… ah, the male brain.. pic.twitter.com/4LlFrUwIxO
— Konner McLaughlin Woods (@konner_mac) April 25, 2018