Jason Mustian
While Mike Primavera already does a pretty damn good job with his coed weekly funny tweet roundup, we also think that until women get paid as much as men, it’s our duty to single out funny female tweets. Here’s what fire the funny ladies of the Tweeter brought this week.
DISCLAIMER: the headline “23 Women Who Made Us Pee Our Pants Laughing This Week” is a bit misleading. Truth be told, no one makes us piss our pants. We do it because we like it.
1.
[5 PM]: Come in. Thanks for coming over.
[6 PM]: I’m so happy we were able to get together.
[7 PM]: This is so much fun.
[8 PM]: We should do this again.
[9 PM]: I’m going to need you to get the fuck out of my house now.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 2, 2020
2.
The accuracy🤣 pic.twitter.com/3CQBt9cLYx
— 𝓜𝓲𝓪👱🏽♀️💎™️ (@lavish_lashelle) December 27, 2019
3.
https://twitter.com/RachelWenitsky/status/1213443343994277888
4.
The suburbs are powerful. No matter how strong you think you are, by day two you’re eating dinner at 4 and asking what the weather’s looking like tomorrow
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) December 30, 2019
5.
R.I.P. 2019 (2019 – 2019)
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) December 31, 2019
6.
https://twitter.com/local__celeb/status/1212595026158587904
7.
me waiting for my crush to notice me pic.twitter.com/3OtFVmZ1B8
— priscilla page (@BBW_BFF) December 31, 2019
8.
https://twitter.com/aaaal26/status/1210326827178311680
9.
every city has a bar named “the library” and everyone inside looks like this pic.twitter.com/lq4QKgZ9I3
— ava 🇵🇸 (@wownicebuttdude) January 2, 2020
10.
sucks that the machine I use to write also has a function where you can shop for a new duvet cover for 3 hours
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) December 29, 2019
11.
https://twitter.com/INDIEWASHERE/status/1212803372971114499
12.
https://twitter.com/skywaIkersoIos/status/1212869202211745794
13.
https://twitter.com/aparnapkin/status/1211082478213095425
14.
https://twitter.com/bimadew/status/1212552349375483904
15.
we don’t talk about the fact that c3po essentially wears a crop top nearly enough as we should pic.twitter.com/pwbNdyZ3iZ
— Emma Bolden (@emmabo) January 1, 2020
16.
[putting a bra on for the first time in 2 weeks]
my boobs: please my lady don’t put us back in jail
— Laurazepam (@andlikelaura) January 2, 2020
17.
"Don't be happy, worry," is my personal motto honestly pic.twitter.com/C3eq4WdIeD
— katy wellhousen (@katywellhousen) April 10, 2017
18.
https://twitter.com/xthandiex/status/1213443227140923393
19.
Frog Fact: frogs have existed since time immemorial and therefore predate original sin, meaning they have no need to celebrate Easter as Christ’s death means nothing to them.
— Ludwig’s Holy Babe (@oldwitchsring) December 26, 2019
20.
I made the airport dildo video better pic.twitter.com/QOBgyRGNfH
— melodramatic libra (@wittyvitriol) December 28, 2019
21.
My dad saw a condom wrapper on my floor and freaked out saying he didn’t know I had a boyfriend, but I assured him that condom was from a guy I met once & will never see again.
— . (@hansdickie) December 27, 2019
22.
https://twitter.com/annetdonahue/status/1212901154159546374
23.
https://twitter.com/chriswxlfe/status/1191610994709032960