News

5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today | January 7, 2020

Keeping up with the news is a full-time job. And not a very fun one! But you gotta at least pretend to know a few things so you don’t look like a buffoon while making small-talk at work or during happy hour. These are those things!

1. Michael Bloomberg declares his love of ribs with a picture of brisket.

As a Texan, I can assure you few things are more offensive than not knowing brisket when you see it.

A recent campaign event left presidential candidate Michael Bloomberg with a particularly strange expression on his face in a barbecue restaurant, yearning with what his campaign has dubbed “love” over a plate of what his campaign has dubbed “ribs.”

There are two problems here. First, he’s looking at brisket, not ribs. Second, if that is what Michael Bloomberg looks like when he’s excited, we’re interested in seeing what he looks like when he’s disgusted.

https://twitter.com/Fruhmann1/status/1214219720183943168

 


 

2. A mansplaining convention is selling $2000 tickets to ‘Make Women Great Again.’

There is now a Mansplaining Convention set to take place in May 2020. Tickets are only being sold to women, who will get to enjoy watching a panel full of men explaining things to them. Sounds fun, right?!

The event is officially called the 22 Convention, and it’s “destined to be the mansplaining event of the century,” according to organizers. Yes, the organizers.

Oh, and tickets to this convention cost $1,999, but currently, there’s a 50% discount if the promise of “No longer having to give in to toxic bullying feminist dogma and go against your biological nature” is appealing to you.

Honestly, I call bullshit and say this has to be a big troll, but if it’s not, I think it’s time for Jesus to come back.

3. JetBlue announces plans to become the first carbon-neutral Airline.

On Monday, JetBlue said it will become carbon neutral on all domestic flights by July 2020.

The company said that it will offset up to 17 billion pounds of carbon by investing in projects focused on initiatives like forest conservation and renewable power.

The company also said that it will begin using sustainable aviation fuel this year on flights from San Francisco International Airport.

https://twitter.com/AlexanderWatt/status/1199407786477707265

4. Instagram deactivated the account of the model who sent nudes to people in return for donations to charity.

Instagram has thrown a bit of a wrench into the plans of Kayla Ward, who offered to send n00ds to anyone who donated $10 or more to help fight the Australian bushfires. On Saturday, Ward said Instagram shut down her account, claiming she’d violated its guidelines.

In a screenshot posted by Ward, Instagram said she had posted “sexually suggestive content,” though the model denies she broke any rules. She’s tried to reach out to Instagram but hasn’t heard back.

On the plus side, she has now raised over $700K for the bushfires, up literally 7x since we reported on it yesterday.

5. A Republican congressman shared a fake picture of Obama and the Iranian president.

We’ve covered our fair share of photoshop fails here at Pleated-Jeans, but this is pretty bad.

On Monday, Rep. Paul Gosar (R-Ariz.) tweeted a doctored photo of former President Barack Obama and Iranian President Hassan Rouhani shaking hands.

However, the photo is actually cobbled together from two images–one of which is Obama shaking hands with former Prime Minister of India Manmohan Singh.

At press time the Tweet has not been deleted.

In related news, here’s a picture of Obama and Biden leaving the White House in 2017.

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Jason Mustian

Jason Mustian

Jason is a Webby winning, Short-Award losing humor writer and businessman. He lives in Texas with his amazing wife and four sometimes amazing kids.