While Mike Primavera already does a pretty damn good job with his coed weekly funny tweet roundup, we also think that until women get paid as much as men, it’s our duty to single out funny female tweets. Here’s what fire the funny ladies of the Tweeter brought this week.
DISCLAIMER: the headline “23 Women Who Made Us Pee Our Pants Laughing This Week” is a bit misleading. Truth be told, no one makes us piss our pants. We do it because we like it.
Tfw your Piccadilly line service is haunted by a Victorian shoe shine boy pic.twitter.com/I4byLl8Fyi
— Hannah J Davies (@hannahjdavies) January 9, 2020
this frodo with this sam pic.twitter.com/gB2zRQkD79
— alison | #1 nori stan (@fooloffatook) January 7, 2020
Caught demons instead of men in Vegas pic.twitter.com/b9uXQgi8vP
— pamm (@xoxopamelaa18) January 5, 2020
my coworker called in (yet again) and said she had a nail on her tire that caused her to have a flat. i need everyone to stop what they’re doing and ZOOM IN TO THE NAIL IN THE PICTURE SHE SENT MY BOSS pic.twitter.com/4NcJGuvF4F
— syd the kid (@sydneyywhitson) January 8, 2020
Wait, the other ones can hear us?? https://t.co/wgXYgy4zI0
— Faith Moore (@FaithKMoore) January 1, 2020
i’m just a 24 year old woman standing in front of a 32 year old man asking him if he’s ready to leave the skate park or if he needs me to film his trick again from a different angle
— Dana Donnelly (@danadonly) January 9, 2020
Interviewer: Why’s there a 5-year gap in your resume?
Me: I went through a whole click bait gallery
— Hi, it’s Abby. Yep (@abbycohenwl) January 10, 2020
How I hurt myself:
Age 5: Jumped off a swing.
Age 21: Jumped off a bar table.
Age 38: Sleeping. I literally hurt myself while I was sleeping.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) January 10, 2020
me: i’m a very private person
me: so i’ll start by describing some of my lighter traumas before i get into the really dark stuff
— ugly and sad ♡ (@SpookyGothLoser) January 7, 2020
I think it’s amazing how grimes and elon are literally a pop star dating an evil billionaire and yet there’s not even the slightest whiff of glamour about them. Anime basement-ass cat ears couple.
— Einstürzende Louboutin (@negaversace) January 9, 2020
seven year old me explaining to my mom why I need the 20 books I circled on the monthly scholastic book flyer pic.twitter.com/QUTzrvwCNz
— jen ✨ (@cihrce) January 6, 2020
Anyone recognise this hair? Found it on my man’s pillow pic.twitter.com/xvWOMUwhOu
— Thando (@xthandiex) January 4, 2020
I love seeing people panic at karaoke when they realize how long & repetitive their song is. Will I be singing My Sharona forever?! Their eyes plead
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) January 7, 2020
“These are gonna change everything for me.” -me, 2002 pic.twitter.com/9fKjJeNgt0
— Taylor Ortega (@taylor_ortega) January 10, 2020
thinkin about how i got catfished on neopets by someone pretending to be hilary duff. humbling experience.
— Sarah Hagi (@geekylonglegs) January 7, 2020
no millennial has all five:
1. Existential sense of purpose
2. Healthy boundaries
3. Good relationship with their parents
4. A job that pays them what it should
5. Ability to spell bananas without singing that Gwen Stefani song
— 1984’s George Whorewell (@EwdatsGROSS) January 9, 2020
One time I ate so much Trader Joe’s tzaziki while I was babysitting that the next day there was a post-it note on it that said “for the kids only” and that’s just one beautiful beautiful moment in my colorful history
— Rachel Wenitsky (@RachelWenitsky) January 4, 2020
me: i'm a very private person
me: so i'll start by describing some of my lighter traumas before i get into the really dark stuff
— ugly and sad ♡ 🅙 (@SpookyGothLoser) January 7, 2020
going over to my best friends house for dinner and asked if i could bring anything and she said “yeah dinner”
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) January 5, 2020
Still thinking about how Trump set off world war 3 then went golfing. I can’t even go enjoy a movie if I think I sent a weird text
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) January 8, 2020
for $10 i will edit your ex out of your photo serious inquiries only pic.twitter.com/QDLfNlb86u
— 𝕮𝖎𝖗𝖈𝖊 ⚖ (@hexappeaI) January 9, 2020