Don’t Do It Yourself (15 D.I.WHY Projects)

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. Congratulations on all that free time you have but please, for the love of God, do not spend it making these crimes against nature. Take a cooking class, learn a new language, DO NOT make anything out of old doll heads.

1. It’s all fun and games until you sit on your sandwich.

2. What did I just say about the old doll heads? No.

3. I’ll take that thing out with a single fart.

4. No, I will not hold your purse. Ever.

5. That last thing you ever see.

6. What the hell are you working towards in 2021???

7. Set it on fire and bury it deep in the woods.

8. Penitentiary Peppa.

9. Not all dogs go to heaven.

10. Oh good, a screaming deer ass, just what I came in for.

11. No, do not do that.

12. “Timone, please kill me.” – Pumba Roomba

13. What do you get the person who has already given up?

14. Just…why?

15. What (and I can’t stress this enough) the fuck did I say about the doll heads?

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Mike

Mike Primavera

Mike Primavera is a Chicago-based comedy writer even though he doesn't HAVE to work. He lives comfortably off of his family's pasta fortune. Follow him on all social media at @primawesome