15 Tweets Everyone Should’ve Read This Week
The best of the best. The cream of the crop. The marshmallows in the Lucky Charms. The best tweets of the week.
1.
Fenn, my nearly 4 year old daughter, recorded her first ever solo song today. She came up with all the words herself and I helped her a little bit with the tune. It’s called ‘Dinosaurs in Love’. 🦕❤️🦕 pic.twitter.com/erCgG0sUvP
— Tom Rosenthal (@tomrosenthal) January 28, 2020
2.
If you drill 6 holes in a hot dog you can play it like a flute. You shouldn’t, though.
— mindflakes (@mindflakes) January 28, 2020
3.
i like it when people blur out pictures of babies faces, as if somebodys gonna recognize em on the street and call them out on their infant bullshit
— everett byram (@rad_milk) January 28, 2020
4.
*hit by a car*
*me opening up twitter*: Y’all… https://t.co/fqEOMHdgXZ
— ¿alex? (@hoemoticon) January 27, 2020
5.
My favorite game is trying to take something out of the refrigerator without moving the other items in front of it. I call it Refrigerator Jenga, and when you lose you clean up marinara for 40 minutes.
— the drake gatsby 🔨 (@DrakeGatsby) January 27, 2020
6.
why does every white woman have some type of treasure chest at the foot of her bed .. what are they hiding in there i don’t trust them
— i praydalor my sodakeep (@AlmondTiddies) January 27, 2020
7.
Much like the hermit crab, my house is my strength. Also, if I’m forced from it, exposing my soft, white, gelatinous ass, I begin to die
— ceej (@ceejoyner) January 26, 2020
8.
My eye doctor’s new patient form has a nickname section pic.twitter.com/omlcmyr2CA
— Tyler Schmall (@tylerschmall) January 27, 2020
9.
家族のためにニンジンを運ぶ父フタバ。器用だ😃 pic.twitter.com/XJYebvrCWK
— ちまちゃん (@nn930310) January 25, 2020
10.
when someone mentions potato skins pic.twitter.com/CXLgK23Nyr
— ceeks (@70Ceeks) January 27, 2020
11.
Spike Lee on Kobe (on Sportscenter): “He’d always tell me, the first time he’d see me, ‘Spike, the Knicks suck.'”
— Chris Vannini (@ChrisVannini) January 26, 2020
12.
my boyfriend is ABSOLUTELY REFUSING to do this sex position where he sits at the piano and plays a song about me and i lie on the bed and shed a single perfect tear
— cam spence (@CamGurrrl) January 26, 2020
13.
my favorite thing about my girlfriend is that she puts her hair on the wall of the shower, so that when i shower i have a snack 🙂
— Tiger hat (@stillxremain) January 24, 2020
14.
There are currently three types of video game:
1) you are a special fighting shootboy who shoots things
2) oh I get it, it’s a metaphor for depression
3) nintendo
— Siobhan Thompson, mysterious European heiress (@vornietom) January 26, 2020
15.
There’s a parallel universe where people age non-linearly, and every day you have no idea how old you’ll wake up. So sometimes you’d have to call into work like, “Sorry, can’t make it in today, I’m 7.”
— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) January 26, 2020