Nate
While Mike Primavera already does a pretty damn good job with his coed weekly funny tweet roundup, we also think that until women get paid as much as men, it’s our duty to single out funny female tweets. Here’s what fire the funny ladies of the Tweeter brought this week.
DISCLAIMER: the headline “23 Women Who Made Us Pee Our Pants Laughing This Week” is a bit misleading. Truth be told, no one makes us piss our pants. We do it because we like it.
1.
Legit jealous of Joe Exotic’s work ethic
— Nikki Glaser (@NikkiGlaser) March 28, 2020
2.
Adding rice to the salt shaker so it feels likes a restaurant.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) March 26, 2020
3.
I just coughed so loud the neighbors set their house on fire and drove away.
— Felicia (@LostFelicia) March 25, 2020
4.
When I find who’s been eating all my quarantine snacks pic.twitter.com/IEDLdO2myT
— Kelsey (@notorious_KRG) March 24, 2020
5.
Today I walked 3,000 steps or in quarantine terms, a marathon
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) March 25, 2020
6.
I don’t wanna hear that you’re bored in quarantine. Go solve the disappearance of Carole Baskin’s first husband if you need something to do.
— sarafcarter (@sarafcarter) March 26, 2020
7.
Tenants: I have no income to pay the rent
Landlords: your rent is my only source of income
Both:
— 👑 king elle 🇳🇬 (@DatMichCray) March 26, 2020
8.
In retrospect, I should’ve developed more hobbies beyond “going out to eat”
— Gabriella Paiella (@GMPaiella) March 28, 2020
9.
Me as I’m looking around the kitchen deciding which quarantine snack I’m gonna devour next pic.twitter.com/wlriYUkp4T
— Hallie Mossett (@hallielikeduh15) March 21, 2020
10.
[day 8 of quarantine]
*look at chair*
you are JEALOUS of me. you always have been
— annabel meschke (@annabel_meschke) March 22, 2020
11.
growing my own toilet paper pic.twitter.com/OUuirSjo8Q
— ❁ Dana ❁ (@danajeantaylor) March 23, 2020
12.
Going to the grocery now feels like "going to town" in little house on the prairie, if I am good maybe papa will let me get an orange!!!
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) March 22, 2020
13.
working from home be like ohhh what hoody and sweatpants am I gonna wear today??
— Ashley Fern (@disco_infern0) March 25, 2020
14.
I’m sorry if I’ve watched your Instagram story 13 seconds after it was posted I have Nothing. To. Do.
— 💛 dzana (@DzanaAlibegic) March 21, 2020
15.
By the time I try to get six pack abs during quarantine it’s gonna be the holidays again.
— Kelsey Cook (@KelseyCook) March 24, 2020
16.
At least I haven’t seen a picture of someone in front of brick angel wings in a while.
— Brandie Posey (@Brandazzle) March 27, 2020
17.
Soaps are actually sparse in some parts of the world and I’m over here trying to get my family to use up all this Vanilla Bean Noel so I can put out the spring scents.
— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) March 27, 2020
18.
Now it’s kinda like life is just staring at the 3 dots on iMessage while coronavirus is typing
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) March 24, 2020
19.
20.
I wonder if sometimes my dog or cat hears me settle into the couch or get ready for bed and goes “oh my gosh did you hear that noise!? What a cutie!”
— Eliza Skinner (@elizaskinner) March 26, 2020
21.
about to tap into my feminine powers (make a grilled cheese that also has onions in it)
— Ayo Edebiri (@ayoedebiri) March 27, 2020
22.
Before you decide to have a quarantine crush on me, you should know I have gotten very into cabbage.
— Eliza Skinner (@elizaskinner) March 27, 2020
23.
so happy I can still get food delivered to my apartment pic.twitter.com/xOL32EMqul
— mallorie sullivan ✨ (@malloriesullivn) March 23, 2020