Jason Mustian
While Mike Primavera already does a pretty damn good job with his coed weekly funny tweet roundup, we also think that until women get paid as much as men, it’s our duty to single out funny female tweets. Here’s what fire the funny ladies of the Tweeter brought this week.
DISCLAIMER: the headline “23 Women Who Made Us Pee Our Pants Laughing This Week” is a bit misleading. Truth be told, no one makes us piss our pants. We do it because we like it.
1.
PLS STOP LAUGHING. white women only do this when they’re VERY stressed or in painpic.twitter.com/YbBuL2LXCu
— She Extends (ft. Megan Thee Stallion) (@68tilinfinity) April 10, 2020
2.
Wow. This is Chicago, IL where the bean’s babies have finally returned after not being seen for over 100 years. The earth is healing, we are the virus. pic.twitter.com/vDeojTAB9j
— casey (@CaseyIwanski) April 6, 2020
3.
My horses disappointment of dropping her apple… pic.twitter.com/9pVIBRvCya
— Ell (@elllenrebecca) April 4, 2020
4.
how tf am I an essential worker pic.twitter.com/3opJ1XKokk
— ashh (@saintashxx) April 5, 2020
5.
You can still get pregnant by sexting, the baby just comes out as a tamagotchi so be careful guys
— Flora underscore underscore Flora 🦄🦋 (@Flora__Flora) April 6, 2020
6.
Yeah bro no FUCKING SHIT pic.twitter.com/zOQ7EdvJ1w
— lee, PhD, eraser of b*s*xuals (@applyingforjob) April 7, 2020
7.
UGHGHGHGHGH pic.twitter.com/fcibSLYP4x
— Meg ✨ (@AstronoMegD) April 9, 2020
8.
2020 sounded like the most futuristic year and now we’re all like “I traded my neighbor a handkerchief for some carrots”
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) April 10, 2020
9.
Anyone else have grandparents do weird stuff that was explained by the fact that they lived thru the Depression?
We’re going to be those grandparents.
“Daddy why is grandma clorox wiping the grocery bags?” “She lived thru COVID honey she doesn’t talk about it.”
— jess mcintosh (@jess_mc) April 8, 2020
10.
Me: Damn, this is a really long trailer.
Netflix: Bitch, you’re watching the episode. Surprise.— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) April 4, 2020
11.
No emoji will ever compare with “:/“….they just don’t have the range
— dylan (@dylanthegypsy) April 7, 2020
12.
THERAPIST: [over the phone] How have you been passing the time?
ME: [mixing 4 types of cereal together to create a stronger, more delicious super cereal] I’m learning to cook
— Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) April 5, 2020
13.
You never know a person til they name their first kid. You think you have a best friend til this bitch names her kid Euripides Barclay Smith and now you gotta hate her.
— amber ruffin (@ambermruffin) April 5, 2020
14.
guys will stand 5’8” from you and call it 6 feet
— Andrea Long Chu (@theorygurl) April 4, 2020
15.
I am extremely jealous of flamingos because I, too, want to assume the colour of whatever I eat. Lord make me a beautiful shade of Baja Blast
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) April 8, 2020
16.
without handlers every celeb has revealed themselves to be a Jenna Maroney
— Molly Lambert 🦔 (@mollylambert) April 7, 2020
17.
the only way to truly enjoy someones Instagram story is if ur completely in love with them or U want them dead. everything in between its like…what is going on here
— helena (@freshhel) April 6, 2020
18.
— A.H. Cayley (@ahcayley) April 9, 2020
19.
I got off the couch today like some sort of Olympian.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 8, 2020