Hannah
A weird thing about quarantine is that some people are more productive than they have been in years and others have logged a screen time of 17 hours a day for the last month. I’m definitely impressed with people who can find humor in the situation and keep making great jokes for all of us to enjoy.
DISCLAIMER: the headline “23 Women Who Made Us Pee Our Pants Laughing This Week” is a bit misleading. Truth be told, no one makes us piss our pants. We do it because we like it.
1.
I don’t hold grudges. I just choose to permanently like people less.
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) May 23, 2020
2.
every time i learn about a new mystery that no one ever solved i go and pull up the wikipedia page like i’m gonna be the one to finally figure it out
— Casey Johnston (@caseyjohnston) May 23, 2020
3.
Omg I’m Having a hard time decorating my new crib😩which one y’all think? pic.twitter.com/7nEwbSmNIm
— ☔️ (@flyaskae) May 25, 2020
4.
Titanic (1997)
Scientist: Where’s the diamond?
Old lady: *three hour long story about how she lost her virginity*— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) May 25, 2020
5.
if im going on a date i think regardless of gender, the other person should pay. this is rooted in the fact that i don’t want to pay
— hot car gatorade (remix) (@local__celeb) May 24, 2020
6.
if im going on a date i think regardless of gender, the other person should pay. this is rooted in the fact that i don’t want to pay
— hot car gatorade (remix) (@local__celeb) May 24, 2020
7.
A fun thing about grocery shopping when everyone is wearing masks is that half the people look like they’re about to perform surgery and the other half look like they’re about to rob a stagecoach.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) May 24, 2020
8.
9.
men are addicted to being asleep when you are awake
— Girl (@w0a0i0f) May 25, 2020
10.
it’s so lame when adults announce their own birthday. like, today is MY birthday but you don’t see me sitting here announcing that it’s my birthday today or that i was born on this day
— pony starwars (@tigersgoroooar) May 23, 2020
11.
High school football players were really like “ ima win this game for you baby” and then would lose 65-7
— carly (@carlyynicoleee) May 24, 2020
12.
I'm always struck by the unbridled optimism of conspiracy theorists. They have seemingly never tried to keep a dozen people quiet while planning a surprise party.
— Jennifer Wright (@JenAshleyWright) May 23, 2020
13.
14.
The problem with Netflix recommendations is they assume I liked a show just because I watched 13 hours of it
— tignotaro (@TigNotaro) May 27, 2020
15.
Dated a guy in a frat who had a playlist entitled “if girls show up”
— Annie Hamilton (@ANNIE_HAM) May 24, 2020
16.
My Close Friends list is for only my most enduring friendships and also ten people I've never spoken to but I think have "good energy"
— walker (@walkercapl) May 24, 2020
17.
I wish I was always the 20mg of adderall version of myself
— Erica (@eerrriiicaa) May 26, 2020
18.
19.
Fav part of watching Jeopardy is saying “I should be on Jeopardy” every time I correctly answer a $200 clue that happens to be about one of my three interests
— Laura Peek (@laurapeek_) May 25, 2020
20.
this is the comforter ur high school boyfriend had pic.twitter.com/xK7U6dJgBC
— grace (@thebiggestyee) May 26, 2020
21.
your 7th grade english teacher scars you and your 11th grade teacher heals you that's how it goes i don't make the rules
— sel (@selomeeeee) May 24, 2020
22.
23.
Sometimes I like to eat an egg white omelet, with veggies and no cheese, then just be furious until lunch.
— Janelle knucking & bucking James (@janellejcomic) May 24, 2020