Dan
God bless America. Sadly, I mean that the way a Southerner says “bless your heart.” We’re all a little touched and a little dumb when we’re talking to people who ain’t from around these parts.
Consequently, people from other countries have heard some pretty strange stuff come out of the mouths of Americans. Well, we fought long and hard for our freedom of speech! We might as well toss our weight around by saying stupid things to non-Americans.
It’s our God-given right! Frankly, we abuse it.
Someone on Reddit wanted the dirt on the weirdest things Americans have said to people. The Redditor wrote simply: “Non-Americans of Reddit, what’s the weirdest thing an American has said to you?”
People from all over the world have better memories than Americans. Thus, we got to read some funny answers.
Here are the best responses to the question: “What’s the weirdest thing an American has said to you?”:
1. When was Venice built?
“A middle aged American was surprised to find out Venice was so old (and an actual city for centuries), and not built in the 20th century for tourist purposes.” –gingerPB
2. Stroppy means “argumentative.”
“When I was in England, two American ladies on a day tour to Stonehenge got stroppy when they couldn’t use USD in a shop and then told the tour guide that he didn’t sound English because his accent ‘wasn’t English’. He proceeded to explain and perform all of the various accents from different regions of the UK. It was quite incredible.” –lkm81
3. That’s called something else.
“‘I love the African-American culture here!’
— said in Cape Town, South Africa” –oftenGetsItWrong
4. It’s like he’s a native speaker.
“Englishman, living in the US for 15 years now. I’ve been asked a lot of bizarre things but one of the best was someone who asked what language we speak in England, and how long it took me to learn English when I moved here.” –zabraxuss
5. Well… do you?
“In my teens, a friend and I (both males) had met an American girl while visiting the US side of Niagara from Canada.
After some small talk, she asked “What kind of jobs do you have?”. I responded “I work part-time at Sportchek”. For context, Sportchek is a Canadian sports goods and apparel store and as a teen, I had no idea it was Canadian only. After explaining to her what Sportchek was, she responded with “Cool, do you guys have Dick’s?”…
For further context, Dick’s is an American Sports and apparel store and at the time, I had no idea. I thought she was asking about my penis.” –tranv
6. Which way is France, then?
“An American asked me if he needed a passport to cross the river Thames as he thought it was the English Channel and that south London was France.” –Individual-Gur-7292
7. Have you heard of this?
“When I visited a friend in the US they told me about this amazing furniture shop they had there called IKEA. I’m Swedish.” –AnimalDisco
8. You haven’t lived until you’ve tried Kraft.
“I once had an american tell me I need to try the “real” Gouda cheese they have in the US because everything else was fake Gouda… I’m Dutch and actually lived near Gouda.” –urafakebetch
9. What’s going down in Britain.
“‘Why do you brits (I’m not British) call an elevator a lift when it goes both up and down?’
I responded that Americans didn’t call an elevator a descendevator when it moves down.” –MonkeyMode
10. Rough day for Denmark.
“At customs in LAX:
Customs Agent: “Where are you from?”
Me: “Denmark”
CA:“Sir, please don’t lie about your nationality”
Me: “Excuse me?”
CA: “Denmark isn’t a real country, now please tell me your country of origin.”
Me: “Sir, you are literally holding my passport, which is from Denmark, in your hand. How can you sit there and tell me that my country doesn’t exist?!”
CA: “Sir, Denmark is a region of Sweden, and not a recognised independent nation”
The swedes would be fond of this encounter.” –Vertebrae_Viking
11. Please use the standard.
“So an American lady who stayed in my apartment building asked to borrow my picnic basket and wanted the measurements. I gave it to her in cm and she asked for it in normal standard units. I gave it in inches and explained that normal units are cm. Her response was “no trust me everyone uses inches, only the English use cm because they need to be different. American inches, feet and miles is pretty much the way to go everywhere else.” I then sent her the link to the invention of the BRITISH imperial system and how only 3 countries use it. She blocked me.” –Reeeaz
12. You can’t get that anywhere.
“I’m British, was travelling in the states. Got talking to a guy at a bar while we’re waiting for service, and he recommended I try a pint of Guinness while in the US. He informed me they don’t sell Guinness in the UK.
I politely explained that they do indeed have Guinness in just about every pub in the UK. He disagreed, adding that he’s never been himself but his son in law went to London on business and told him so. I explained I’d lived in the UK including London my whole life. He looked at me lost in thought for a few moments, and said: “They don’t have Guinness there,” and walked away.” –promunbound
13. We didn’t invent them, but we sure did ruin them for everyone.
“An Austrian friend and I were told about about this magical thing they have in America called Fireworks and how we should go see it at least once in our lives.” –Alarmed_Scientist_15
14. Well… Is he?
“Is Hitler still alive?” –UnhappyCryptographer
15. If it’s too loud, you’re too old.
“A friend was dating an American, and a bunch of us went out for a pub meal (UK).
Now, there’s a stereotype that Americans can be a little loud. And, unfortunately, this was the case with this girl. Literally everyone in the pub was giving her side-eye, but noone says anything because that would be rude.
My friend very subtly tries to make her aware of the noise level, and she talk-yells, “oh no, honey. I’m not loud. All y’all are just too quiet! Such a quaint little country, y’all need to use your outdoor voices!”
We were quite clearly inside…” –CrazySnekGirl
16. Is this for real, though?
“Canadian here. I was 7 and in Florida telling my new also 7 year old friend about our money system. I told her we don’t have dollar or two dollar bills they are coins and called a loonie and a toonie. She goes and asks her parents and they told her I was lying.” –honeywrites
17. Hey, some of that is almost right!
“I was asked if France is part of the United Kingdom. When I tried explaining him what the United Kingdom is, he told me England is no longer part of the UK because of Brexit.” –IAmDouda97
18. Does not compute.
“I live in the southern hemisphere. Talking to an American online in December, and I mentioned it was summer for me. She kept asking which month I was in (kept insisting it must be June) and couldn’t seem to wrap her head around the idea that it was simultaneously December and summer in the southern hemisphere.” –sad_choochoo_train
19. Iceland.
“I met an American tourist who was adamant that my country was a home ruled territory under the US government.
He said this during our nations independence day.” –AlleywayGum
20. Speak normally, please!
“When an American asked me what it’s like to have an accent. They thought that they had no accent and their voice was ‘default’ basically.” –MetalObsessed
21. But where else do these talk like that?
“Poking fun at me with French stereotypes. I’m not from France, my parents are not from France, and I’ve never been to France. My first language is French, that’s enough for Americans to treat me like I’m from France.” –marie-llama
22. It’s a good question.
“Do you have color television in Germany?” –nickles72
23. Dogs only speak the language of food.
“I was on a student exchange between my German school and a school in San Francisco in the late 90s.
When the Americans came to visit us, we had a welcome party for them at a friends place. That friend had a dog, and at some point he gave the dog a command in German. The dog obeyed, and one of the American kids asks how we managed to teach German to the dog.
He wasn’t joking either, he seemed convinced that all pets are somehow born with knowledge of the English language, but all other languages need to be taught to them.” –Heiminator
24. I think the school system failed this person.
“As a Brit, I had to bite my tongue when asked ‘Do you celebrate Independence Day?'” –TAFKAPepeSilvia
h/t Reddit: r/AskReddit