Mike
Baldness, generally, sucks. But don’t worry, there are plenty of upsides to being bald.
For one, you’ll never have to worry about bad hair days again. You’ll also save a ton of money on shampoo, conditioner, and hair styling products. Plus, you’ll never have to deal with tangles or knots. Just think of all the extra time you’ll have to do other things!
I hope these funny bald jokes bring a smile to your face. It’s important to remember that baldness is a natural and normal part of life, and it’s okay to joke about it and have a good laugh.
Here are 50 funny bald jokes, insults and roasts to get you started:
1.
“Mommy, why is daddy bald?”
“It’s because he thinks a lot sweetheart.”
The kid stared at his mom for a minute and asked:
“Is that why you have a lot of hair?”
2.
“The best thing about being tall and having a bald patch is that people think you’re just tall.”
3.
“I’m not saying you are going bald, but you’ll find Waldo before you find your hairline.”
4.
Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there is your diamond in the rough.
5.
“I can’t tell if I’m going bald… or if it’s all in my head.”
6.
“I first noticed I was going bald when it took longer and longer to wash my face.”
7.
What’s the difference between a bald man and an egg?
Eggs get laid.
8.
What do you call a balding web developer?
A 404-head.
9.
When do you know you’re going bald?
When you use more toothpaste than shampoo.
10.
“I was gonna make a joke about a bald guy’s hair. But then I remembered there was nothing to joke about.”
11.
What do you call a group of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hairline.
12.
“I wouldn’t say I was going bald, but… When I asked my barber to cut my hair, he replied, ‘Which one?'”
13.
“My luck is like a bald guy… who just won a comb”
14.
“My friend’s been losing his hair and is really insecure about it, so I suggested he should get a transplant. He didn’t go for it though – he thought he’d look stupid with a kidney on his head.”
15.
What happened between a bald person and their hair?
They had a falling out.
16.
Imagine having a head that resembles a brand-new pot!
17.
What do you call a bald guy named Gary?
Garibaldi.
18.
“Beauty is only skin deep… I guess that’s why you have hair.”
19.
Why are so many thieves bald?
They dreadlocks.
20.
How can you avoid falling hair?
Get out of the way.
21.
Why is it against the law to hunt bald eagles?
Because it’s ill-eagle.
22.
What is the mantra that bald people live by?
“Getting bald has nothing to do with losing hair, but it has a lot about gaining more head.”
23.
What are bald sea captains afraid of?
Cap sizes.
24.
What did the intelligent man say when he saw that he was turning bald in patches? He said that as he was a brainiac, his brain needed more space to expand!
25.
Why doesn’t the husband mind when his wife is leaving him due to his baldness?
Because it’s hair loss.
26.
What is the best way to irritate a guy with a receding hairline who also has a thick beard? Simply ask him, “Why is your hair cut upside down?”
27.
Why do bald people always look forward to sunny days?
That’s their time to shine.
28.
“I once knew a bald guy who liked to draw rabbits on his head because from a distance, they looked like hares.”
29.
“After years of being bare, the idea of hair doesn’t sound too bad. It’s starting to grow on me.”
30.
What’s worse than finding hair in your food?
Finding out the chef is bald.
31.
Why are bald people very easily manipulated by a shower?
Because when they take a bath, they get brainwashed!
32.
“I like playing chess with bald people in the park. The problem is, it’s kinda hard to find 32 of them.”
33.
What did the barber say to the bald person when he entered the salon?
“Hey, what are you doing hair?”
34.
A bald guy slipped in the shower. Fell on his head and slipped again.
35.
Why does a bald man always wake up happy?
Because a man who has an extended forehead looks good!
36.
“My wife was worried about getting older, so before she woke up on her birthday, I cut off all the white hairs she had. For some reason, she woke up bald and with a bad attitude.”
37.
What special day do bald people celebrate?
They like to celebrate No-Hair Day.
38.
What do you call a barber that only works on bald people?
An air stylist.
39.
What did my wife say when I was going bald?
“Your head is so shiny that I can use it as a mirror.”
40.
“I want to change my hair like everybody during this quarantine. I think I’ll grow my bald spot out!”
41.
What is the funniest thing you can say to a bald man?
“You are so bald that I can simply rub your head and start predicting futures!”
42.
What kind of bird doesn’t need a comb?
A bald eagle.
43.
“I see you don’t cut your hair any longer.”
“No sir, I cut it shorter. “
44.
What did the lice say to the bald man?
“I’m falling!”
45.
“I am not saying you’re losing your hair, but the lice on your head are starting to picket about deforestation.”
46.
Who is the most famous bald DJ?
Calvin Hairless.
47.
What do you call a bald porcupine?
Pointless.
48.
If the bald guy were a pen, what kind would he be?
A bald point.
49.
How can you identify a bald eagle?
All his feathers are combed to one side.
50.
When people make snarky comments about losing your hair, say, “With a body like this, who needs hair?”