Nate
Being on a plane with a hundred or more strangers can be a stressful experience. It can be cramped and uncomfortable, so anything to help improve the experience is always appreciated.
Even though flying can often feel like a tedious chore, when there’s a funny pilot or flight attendant, it makes the flight a little more bearable.
Here are some funny airline announcements people have heard during their travels.
1.
“Hi, I’m Captain Amanda Smith. Yes, I’m a female pilot and as a benefit, if we get lost on the way I won’t be afraid to stop and ask for directions.”
2.
“Please remain seated until the plane is parked at the gate. At no time in history has a passenger beaten a plane to the gate. So please don’t even try.”
3.
“I’ve just been informed that my mother-in-law has just passed security and will be shortly boarding this flight using one of my crew passes. If you all sit down fast, we should be able to get out of here before she arrives.”
4.
Pilot as the cabin lights are dimmed: “The lights are dim and you all are getting sleepy, very, very sleepy. You don’t need any assistance from your cabin crew. Sleep now. Zzzzzz.”
5.
“In case of an emergency landing, air masks will drop from the overhead compartments. Place the mask over your nose and mouth and adjust the straps on either side to secure it. If you are traveling with a small child, secure your mask first then assist them with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one child, decide which one has the most potential and assist that one first.”
6.
“Please make sure you take all your belonging with you. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please don’t leave children or spouses.”
7.
“Now ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to share some words with you all that my father shared with me on my eighteenth birthday: Pack your bags and get out.”
8.
After a heavy landing the pilot announced, “As you may already know, we have hit our destination.”
9.
“That was a rough one. Since you all survived we expect you to keep all those promises you just made.”
10.
After a plane taxied for a long time: “If you look to your right that was the terminal we left an hour ago. I hope you enjoyed your tour of the airport. We should be leaving shortly.”
11.
“For those of you wondering about the weather at our destination, Honolulu is reporting sunny skies and temperatures of 86 degrees. Unfortunately, our destination is Nome Alaska which is reporting 27 degrees below zero and blowing snow.”
12.
“Folks we will be arriving early today because we found a shortcut.”
13.
“We’ll be landing as soon as we get closer to the ground.”
14.
As the plane is taxiing to the gate the pilot announces, “We are currently recruiting people to clean the aircraft. If you wish to volunteer then please stand before we have come to a stop.”
15.
“Welcome to Orlando. The safest part of your journey is now over.”
16.
“Pilot: “Ladies and gentlemen, I have a special announcement to make. Ben, my co-pilot, has just gone to use the in-flight potty for the first time in his flying career. When he comes out, please give him a round of applause!””
17.
“Please refrain from smoking until you reach a designated smoking area, which, for California, is Las Vegas.”
18.
“When exiting the plane please watch out for the low overhead door. If you forget, please watch your language.”
19.
“We are now going to dim the lights for take off. If you are scared of the dark or that the Bogey Man will get you, don’t worry, he only flies with American Airlines.”
20.
“Most of you already have your seatbelt fastened. Now we will demonstrate how you did that.”
21.
“This aircraft is equipped to land on water… Once.”
22.
“As we taxi out we’d like those passengers sat on the right side of the aircraft to press their faces against the window. We’d like to remind those other airlines what a full plane looks like.”
23.
“Please notice that we are 10 minutes early. So the next time we are 2-3 hours late we’ll just call it even.”
24.
After a bumpy landing: “We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”
25.
“Welcome to San Francisco, we hope you had a good flight and thank you for flying southwest – if you didn’t, my name is Bob and this is united”
h/t: BoredPanda