Screenshot of a tweet saying 'Umm ur card was declined' First of all lower your voice.

30 Of The Funniest Tweets We Saw Today, In No Particular Order

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I put these tweets in no particular order because ranking things feels like a Monday task. It’s Friday. If you’re getting a numbered list out of me, we’re already doing pretty well.

Besides, humor is subjective. The tweet that makes me laugh might do nothing for you. That’s fine. My wife watches me laugh at my phone all day and rarely asks what’s funny anymore. We’ve figured out a system.

These are the funniest tweets we saw today, collected for anyone who has mentally started the weekend but still needs to move their mouse to stay active. Take a scroll. If your favorite is number 25, please know it received the same rigorous placement process as number one.

1.

Funny tweet about a contractor with a wig blowing off and changing it.
via twitter

2.

Tweet by Pan about declining card and lowering voice.
via twitter

3.

Tried overnight oats with protein powder, Greek yogurt, and berries, looks healthy but disgusting.
via twitter

4.

Twitter post about a bar and a cartoon character sniffing a pie on a windowsill.
via twitter

5.

Funny tweet about listening to your body and imagining it as a cow.
via twitter

6.

Mid Thirties Manhattan Guy tweet about spending Saturday picking apples for Instagram.
via twitter

7.

Tweet about a mosquito leaving a red splatter and blood on a person.
via twitter

8.

Twitter post by Blair about acting their age and Roblox arguments.
via twitter

9.

Twitter post by Jackie about USPS and FedEx delivery times.
via twitter

10.

Shopping at Ross is like do you want an Ed Hardy branded Pregnancy test.
via twitter

11.

Softboy's tweet about emailing from his iPhone, no need to know.
via twitter

12.

Spaghetti food truck where the customer gets to put the cheese on top called Self Parm.
via twitter

13.

Tweet about October being 31 days of people looking at trees and saying 'oh my GOD'.
via twitter

14.

Tweet by BEYONCÉ FINE COUSIN about adulting and chicken prices.
via twitter

15.

Funny tweet about the quiet car on Amtrak and a phone.
via twitter

16.

VICO's tweet about ADHD and putting his passport in a safe place.
via twitter

17.

Woman sitting on a couch with a blanket in winter, wearing a white blanket like a cloak.
via twitter

18.

Kids joke about dads pressing buttons, funny video screenshot.
via twitter

19.

Twitter post by Pan about feeling happy after work, in a humorous tone.
via twitter

20.

Tweet by molola about sleep needing sleep but not sleeping.
via twitter

21.

W.E.B. DaBoi's tweet about millennials and using 'lol' too much.
via twitter

22.

Krista's tweet about 24-month daily planners being optimistic.
via twitter

23.

Tweet about Dr. Pepper tasting like angels singing and being disgusted by the fourth sip.
via twitter

24.

Humorous tweet about Obama and hydration, 'let me pee clear'.
via twitter

25.

Funny cat sitting on brick sidewalk with humorous dialogue about dieting.
via twitter

26.

Just Jack tweet about DEI replaced with 'whatever looks like Ivanka'.
via twitter

27.

Mariana Z tweet about meatloaf as a safe word.
via twitter

28.

WhatsApp chat showing a humorous conversation about health status.
via twitter

29.

Brunette Bohemian tweet about waffles and pancakes.
via twitter

30.

Damon Hunzeker tweet about 'no' abbreviation being 'horseshit'.
via twitter