Reasoning about friends' jobs: 'why do your friends have cool jobs and you're just a boring accounta.

40 Funny Parenting Tweets From Another Month Of Being Outnumbered

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One thing I’m looking forward to about becoming a dad is finding out what this little person thinks about everything. Kids have such specific opinions, and they arrive at them with zero research. As a comedian, I respect the process.

Of course, I understand that eventually those opinions will be about me. I’m excited to meet my biggest fan and then spend several years watching them become my harshest critic.

With our first baby on the way, funny parenting tweets hit a little differently now. These are some of the best we saw this month, courtesy of parents whose kids are already providing plenty of material.

1.

Dan Reesе tweet about fundraiser for Saline Middle School and a fundraising form shown in the image.
via twitter

We covered this hilariously honest school fundraiser earlier this month, and I still think paying to be left alone should be an option on more forms.

2.

Quote from Mommy Owl: Instead of saying, “Good night, mommy,” my kid said, “Rest in peace, mommy,”.
via twitter

3.

One Awkward Mom: My kids sat down and ate dinner without complaining. What did they break and where.
via twitter

4.

My husband’s new thing is announcing “I’m just gonna test this for poison” to the entire house whene.
via twitter

5.

I want to be more optimistic about aging but my 5 year old just found out I am 30 today and now she.
via twitter

6.

One of the harder parts of having a kid who plays sports is only being outside for a few hours in |n.
via twitter

7.

Quote by Matt Bramanti: "why do your friends have cool jobs and you're just a boring accountant" -my.
via twitter

8.

That Mom Tho: watching annie with the kids and now they want me to put them in an orphanage so a we`.
via twitter

9.

I’d like to thank the universe for sending a centipede my way the moment I finished lecturing my kid.
via twitter

10.

Meghan's tweet image: a painting of a man in a white shirt and green coat seated, with a red chair,.
via twitter

11.

Not to brag, but my daughter added my photo to her wall of friends pics in her college dorm.
via twitter

12.

Every weekend, the kids and I drive around to look at different neighborhoods, and it's finally payi.
via twitter

13.

Hollie Harris tweet: "I'm just a mom, standing in front of a laundry pile, asking it to wash, dry, '.
via twitter

14.

Not to brag, but my toddler just told me I fold laundry forty-five hundred fast.
via twitter

15.

Finaly got the baby to sleep. Time to lay in bed scrolling through pictures of the baby.
via twitter

16.

After months of my kids begging for their own rooms, I spent my entire weekend taking apart家具,assem附.
via twitter

17.

Hollie Harris tweet image: man in suit leaning over, text says "Say ‘What’s for dinner?’ again. Say.
via twitter

18.

My teen is an extrovert and I don’t know what I did to deserve this.
via twitter

19.

That Mom Tho tweet: I discovered that my son didn’t brush his teeth for A WEEK because his toothbrsh.
via twitter

20.

My daughter has a crush on a boy because he’s a ‘fast runner’ and ‘doesn’t say bro’ so I guess it’sa.
via twitter

21.

If I get married, I am NOT kissing my wife at that part in the wedding. Me: When the pastor,.
via twitter

22.

Go to bed. 6-year-old: What's in it for me? Me: Sleep. 6: No thanks.
via twitter

23.

Meghan '@deloisivete' tweet: Tried to figure out why my kid’s backpack was so heavy on the way to 学校.
via twitter

24.

I left the front door open while I put stuff in the car and 3 came to the door and yelled THERE'S A.
via twitter

25.

Krista tweet about kids feeling life hard but no one picks up phone after a 3mb song download.
via twitter

26.

The Dad tweet: Me: get off that Xbox, it's too violent Son: what can we play instead? Me: come sit [.
via twitter

27.

The Real Rodney Lacroix tweet: 'My son said he doesn’t plan on returning home from college until you.
via twitter

28.

Tweet by Ryan Kennedy about 13 years of marriage and two kids finally getting a hotel room to relax.
via twitter

29.

My kids (4F, 2F) have unionized and refuse to drink anything except spindrift mixed 50-50 with whole.
via twitter

30.

Jennifer Parker says: I told my kid this morning that I couldn’t believe he was already 7 and that I.
via twitter

31.

This day is stressing me... I need a drink. 3yo: here ya go dad *hands me his milk* Me: got anyt.
via twitter

32.

Upside Dad tweet: "4 yo: *sigh* I wish it was my birthday so I can be 5, because 4 just isn’t worki.
via twitter

33.

Trick or Sweet Momissa tweet about parenting boundaries and kids understanding why you did it.
via twitter

34.

My 10yo wants to go on Shark Tank with his invention of reversible socks that last two days instead.
via twitter

35.

Hollie Harris tweet: 'My 14yo talks a lot of smack for someone who thinks peeling mandarin oranges'.
via twitter

36.

My Life As Dad Twitter meme: At a family gathering, Aunt: How’s parenting life? Me: OK hand emoji.
via twitter

37.

My daughter just told me she got the “cutest dog book” from the library. What’s the book you may ask.
via twitter

38.

My 3yo was racing with his sister and ran head first into a wall, literally bounced off of it and ke.
via twitter

39.

My favorite toddler memory is when my daughter called her trail mix “nut snack.” I can still see the.
via twitter

40.

I just yelled “WAKE UP,” to which my 4 year old responded “WHYDONTYOUPUTONALITTLE MAKEUP,” so no one.
via twitter