Waitress at Waffle House called me baby and brought me hash browns, so she’s now the primaryBenefici.

30 Funny Tweets That Made Us Laugh More Than Anything Else Today

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By Friday evening, my brain has pretty much stopped accepting new information. You could tell me something incredibly important right now, and there’s a good chance I forget it immediately.

I don’t know if it’s the time change, the increasingly early sunsets, or just another long week, but I’m ready to be done with responsibilities for a couple of days.

Thankfully, there are still people on the internet using their remaining brainpower to make funny tweets. I’ve been collecting my favorites throughout the day, and we’ve got a pretty solid lineup.

So even if you’re already mentally checked out for the weekend, here are the funniest tweets we saw today.

1.

Nothing makes you feel more ignored than waiting for a motion-sensor paper towel dispenser to Acknow.
via twitter

2.

If anyone here has zero friends or family / will be alone this holiday season please let me know - i.
via twitter

3.

The waitress at Waffle House called me “baby” and brought me hash browns, so she’s now the primary%0.
via twitter

4.

I hate when my therapist charges me bc it’s like i thought we were talking as friends.
via twitter

5.

Barista says “i like your jacket!” right before the tip prompt comes up on screen.
via twitter

6.

Nice try scam call. I barely answer the phone for people I know.
via twitter

7.

Health insurance is great bc you pay a lot of money each month for nothing, and then if something h​.
via twitter

8.

That sound when you close the cupboard and hear something fall inside... that's the sound of someone.
via twitter

9.

5pm after daylight savings feels like foreboding voice: youre running out of time me: for what? fore.
via twitter

10.

No one tells you you’re old. You just come to the realization yourself while you’re reading Amazon (.
via twitter

11.

Ever since I was a baby I knew I was born to have access to the fastest internet speed.
via twitter

12.

Lloyd Legalist tweet about the adult version of Head, shoulders, knees and toes and Wallet, glasses,.
via twitter

13.

Sometimes you gotta close that door dash app and boil two hotdogs w/ a side of chips & call it a day.
via twitter

14.

I’m hungry but not eat the salad I bought for lunch hungry.
via twitter

15.

I'm old enough to get mad at noise.
via twitter

16.

If your Halloween decorations aren't down by end of business tomorrow I'll call the cops.
via twitter

17.

Bob Golen tweet: "My barber said I need a couple of inches off the back. He was surprised when I top.
via twitter

18.

Erika tweet about spending money on a new hobby, four unfinished projects in a trench coat, culture,.
via twitter

19.

I would never let my child play on the dirty airport floor after kids: *watching toddl​.
via twitter

20.

Wrecking my nervous system by taking my two children to Costco when it’s busy.
via twitter

21.

You ever had to unfollow a girl from high school on instagram because her baby gives you bad vibes.
via twitter

22.

Tweet by Abby Heugel: 'Home is where the bag filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags is.'.
via twitter

23.

I have a dog, which means I regularly interrupt perfectly good activities to go outside and stand in.
via twitter

24.

Sure haunted houses, serial killers, and nuclear wars are scary. But have you ever sneezed while heh.
via twitter

25.

I feel like cats would be so upset if they knew they’re missing out on lying and cigarettes.
via twitter

26.

Jason, ex Inferis announces I’m headed to the gender-neutral bathroom every time I get up from the.
via twitter

27.

Sad to see the Cybertruck going away when it was a useful way to learn who the dumbest, most gullib​.
via twitter

28.

Put ur phone down. be bored. lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling. imagine if the ceiling was a.
via twitter

29.

Daft ponk tweet about starbucks braised short rib girlled cheeses 'they got yall eating Somebody'.
via twitter

30.

The smoke detector waited until 3 a.m. to mention the battery.
via twitter