15 Twitter Jokes Everyone Should Read

These are some tweets I thought you’d like. Enjoy.

I got a job at Comcast and completed training so I could fix my own cable because it was faster than being on hold with customer service.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 8, 2017

https://twitter.com/Mr_Kapowski/status/862824914792759296

My toddler is pretty particular about the brand of chicken nuggets I offer her for somebody who just ate a crayon.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) May 13, 2017

You're darn right I abuse drugs. I see a drug, I punch the crap out of it. Get lost, drugs.

— ♥mark magark♥ (@markedly) May 3, 2016

Use cauliflower as a substitute for mashed potatoes, rice, and any joy in your life. You have no friends now, there is only cauliflower.

— Ally (@TragicAllyHere) March 11, 2017

https://twitter.com/GloriaFallon123/status/853097224418590720

I've been letting a casserole dish soak since 2011.

— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) March 29, 2017

You haven’t seen true anger until you’ve watched a toddler trying to carry three things with two hands.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 25, 2017

if I accidentally respond "you too" after a fast-food clerk tells me to enjoy my meal, I shove some fries in their mouth so it isn't awkward

— huntigula (@huntigula) September 11, 2014

https://twitter.com/catstronomical/status/825476938420596743

My other body is in the Photoshop.

— She’s A Real Genius🥸 (@ShesARealGenius) March 9, 2015

The beauty of growing up is you can just do what you want after working and paying bills and doing taxes and exercising and cleaning and

— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) February 11, 2017

Every day I try to learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

— Justin Guarini (@JustinGuarini) January 5, 2017

https://twitter.com/Leemanish/status/624084952909348865

https://twitter.com/frenchielaboozi/status/345415448797540352
Last Week’s Funny Tweets–>