15 Twitter Jokes Everyone Should Read
Kick off your week with some ha-has.
1.
friend: Are you eating a whole frozen pizza by yourself?
me: It was on sale for $4
friend: I wasnt asking because I thought it was expensive— mike ginn (@shutupmikeginn) April 10, 2015
2.
as a kid, Halloween was cool bc it was the only time you got to see inside of that one weird neighbor's house for a few sec
— chuuch (@ch000ch) September 11, 2017
3.
Picture a fox. Wrong. They are smaller than that.
— ceej (@ceejoyner) February 14, 2013
4.
ME: [dropping pizza] five second rule
NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON: [gently slitting my throat] linear time is an illusion of perspective— the garbage shit boy (@davedittell) January 27, 2017
5.
not sure what I'm supposed to do with this information pic.twitter.com/zsdRtWfa4t
— cc (@coolado_) September 10, 2017
6.
the cvs cashier asked me how im doing as i put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. "not great man ive got diarrhea" i told him
— deg (@degg) October 13, 2013
7.
you, watching the mask: I want what he's smokin haha
me: he's not on any drugs. it's that mask. it makes him act wild— slick (@dlicj) August 31, 2017
8.
some babies are born premature but i was born very mature i just came out and i was like so what
— famous crab 2020 (@famouscrab) May 19, 2013
9.
https://twitter.com/Burger_Time_/status/559009975843164160
10.
People used to be much smaller. WWII people were a foot shorter. Medieval people were basically hobbits. Jesus was the size of a cat.
— Froghammer (@froghammer) October 5, 2012
11.
https://twitter.com/eedrk/status/886811832559607808
12.
Sign says World's Largest Ravioli. "Where's the filling?" people ask exploring its vast interior. The sound of boiling water grows to a roar
— several onions (@Amusitr0n) June 30, 2017
13.
https://twitter.com/Burger_Time_/status/600022410532794368
14.
https://twitter.com/direlog/status/435539980241629184
15.
https://twitter.com/LostCatDog/status/365528602747478017
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