15 Twitter Jokes Everyone Should Read

I’ve traveled to the farthest reaches of Twitter to bring you the best jokes I could find. Some recent, some old, all hilarious. Every week I’ll bring you this list of Twitter jokes so you can take a load off and forget your troubles. We all deserve some laughter in our lives.

1.

all the
small things
at thanks-
giving
uncle's
racist
mom's
high
dad's
pissed
say it ain't so / sweet potatoes
cousin's now goth / hot topic clothes

— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) November 21, 2018

2.

https://twitter.com/captainkalvis/status/939189866776031232

3.

https://twitter.com/EJGomez/status/863972429198176256

4.

The Time Person of the Year should be the same every year: the person inside Big Bird, for resisting the urge to kill.

— Dan Polish Last Name (@danjan13) November 25, 2017

5.

Him: I love nerd girls!

Me: If you have more than 2 freckles, then every freckle on your body makes a triangle. If you move around, every triangle changes shape. That’s how I picture multiple universes.

Him: no. not like that

— Angie B (@Angibangie) April 4, 2018

6.

me during morning shift: ay who the FUCK closed last night

me closing at night: this looks like a problem for the opener

— Neek (@babyltaly) April 18, 2019

7.

Sign says World's Largest Ravioli. "Where's the filling?" people ask exploring its vast interior. The sound of boiling water grows to a roar

— several onions (@Amusitr0n) June 30, 2017

8.

https://twitter.com/pixelatedboat/status/1053270313515905025

9.

https://twitter.com/gabriellejwhite/status/1052675684601073665

10.

https://twitter.com/whatmaddness/status/1051090657132068865

11.

As a dude, sometimes you just end up in Best Buy. You don’t need anything, you don’t want to be there, and you certainly don’t remember arriving. But you look up, you’re in a Best Buy, and you can’t freak out about it.

— mike ginn (@shutupmikeginn) May 5, 2018

12.

https://twitter.com/egg_dog/status/1040981328458592258

13.

*knock on door*
“Sir have you found Jesus?”
Uh, no. Goodbye.
*shuts door*
*Jesus steps out from behind door with gun*
Good answer

— Dr. Bucky Isotope, PhD BOFA Economics (@BuckyIsotope) September 10, 2015

14.

I want to submerge my entire body in Elmer's glue then let it dry and shed my form on a jogging trail like a snake skin

— Ally (@TragicAllyHere) August 30, 2017

15.

https://twitter.com/guy_mont/status/1030295362496614401