There’s plenty of funniest tweets lists out there, but this one is special. It’s special because I take the time to find you the best of the best. My twitter roundup is so good it will make you kiss your fingers like an Italian chef. Enjoy.
Ran into your boyfriend at Lowe’s pic.twitter.com/WuQN89j8VX
— gobble gobble gobruisey (@Bruisey) August 22, 2018
WHY DOES EVERY ONLINE RECIPE BEGIN WITH A 40 PAGE ESSAY ABOUT SOMEONES HUSBAND DOG AND KIDS AND A BRISK WALK THEY TOOK IN THE FALL AND HOW THEY LOVE THE CHANGING OF THE LEAVES AND THEIR DOGS FAVORITE TREAT. GIMME THE RECIPE HON MY SCROLL FINGER HURTS
— Chelsea Peretti (@chelseaperetti) November 22, 2018
Nigga drawing his ass off tryna avoid being eaten https://t.co/Fj6qit9kFB
— ight. (@ogpixel2) November 21, 2018
I am thankful that I’m hotter now than I was in high school and that technology has evolved in a way that makes it easy to remind all the people who wronged me of this fact.
— Joel Kim Booster (@ihatejoelkim) November 22, 2018
In middle school I typed an entire paper while clicking the space bar twice between each word bc i thought that’s what double spaced meant
— Madison (@madskeen) November 19, 2018
i told my little brother that it was fine if we didn’t get ice cream and he said “are you sure? i looked it up online and it said when girls say they’re fine they’re not”
— Julia Moore (@JuliaMoore179) November 20, 2018
"Bro, you want this pamphlet?"
— Steven W Skinner (@SkinnerSteven) November 16, 2018
Me: Any news?
Doctor: I'm just waiting for your x-ray.
Me: But I've never dated anyone called Ray.
Doctor: And we might do a brain scan.
— Ian Sausage (@stephenjmolloy) March 7, 2018
The plot of every Hallmark movie is about a career woman who is too busy for love but she has to move to a small town where a handsome local bachelor teaches her about the true spirit of the holiday. It starts snowing and they kiss. There is also a dog.
— Joel Doubleyou (@JoelDoubleyou) November 19, 2018
For $5 you can either get your girl approximately 2 flowers from a florist OR you can get her an ENTIRE costco rotisserie chicken. that’s all im sayin. the choice is yours
— Kendra Leigh (@kendraaaleighh) October 11, 2018
How come you guys never told me this iPhone trick? I feel duped. pic.twitter.com/2RfRhI4Y1X
— Krissy Brierre-Davis (@krissys_kitchen) November 18, 2018
Didn’t see my boyfriend for like a week and when we sat down to eat at this restaurant he pulls out a bit of paper and said “ I had so much tea to spill that I didn’t want to forget any details” lmaooooo
— saskia (@silvermilk_) November 18, 2018
My fatass was drunk last night and had a photo shoot with my McDonald’s hashbrown at 4AM pic.twitter.com/8iz80eXsEY
— Faustino Limon Jr (@FLJBieber) November 17, 2018
*college kids trying to clean snow off their car*
me- using a folder
kid next to me- minute maid lemonade box
girl across from me- a boot
another girl near me- a dust pan
— lynsey trafka (@lynseyspiderman) November 16, 2018
I can drink 3 cups of coffee and go straight to sleep and this is just one example of what is fundamentally wrong with me as a person
— Maria Zembillas (@Maria_Zembillas) November 6, 2018
concept: goth ranch pic.twitter.com/9gFV9qmIwP
— alucard burger (@frogs_online) November 15, 2018