Dean
21.
Ever had a dream with someone in it who didn't quite make sense? They were in your life, but not on a dream level? Like, I don't know why I'm drowning in this car submerged in a lake, but I especially don't know why I'm doing it with you, girl from my junior year sociology class.
— Gina (@ginadivittorio) October 6, 2018
22.
I fucking love toast, what absolute genius took a bite of bread and was like "cook it again", unreal
— Josh (@LoserCrew) September 10, 2018
23.
dude imagine being a bug and accidentally getting stuck in a car and driving far af away from everything you know
— J (@JasonStraffen15) October 10, 2018
24.
It’s impossible to buy a mirror that isn’t used
— Boog (@BoogTweets) September 28, 2018
25.
triscuits are the perfect snack for anyone who has ever wanted to eat wicker furniture
— scooby doomsday (@sh_wnee) September 12, 2018
26.
I just realized that in all of the purge movies, nobody ever steals anything valuable. All crime is legal for 24 hours straight and all you people are interested in is killing one another? Bitch the Apple store right across the street.
— Peter (@OkigboXL) December 11, 2018
27.
I just realized that in all of the purge movies, nobody ever steals anything valuable. All crime is legal for 24 hours straight and all you people are interested in is killing one another? Bitch the Apple store right across the street.
— Peter (@OkigboXL) December 11, 2018
28.
slashed someone’s tires today because he parked like a jackass.. was it justified? I think so. pic.twitter.com/91g0Vb8km1
— Matt Wille (@herbehancock) December 8, 2018
29.
[inventing the toaster]
engineer: Ok it burns the bread if you put it at 4
chief engineer: perfect. Make it go up to 8
— schmox (@IvoryGazelle) November 26, 2018
30.
PSA: Don't EVER let your printer know that you've waited until the last minute to print something out and you're in hurry because they can sense fear.
— Peter (@OkigboXL) November 24, 2018