Mike
Every week I scour Twitter for the best 15 tweets I can find. Some twitter jokes are old, some are new, but all of them are absolutely hilarious. This week’s roundup is pretty great.
1.
AVRIL LAVIGNE: he was a boy, she was a girl, can I make it anymore obvious
POLICE SKETCH ARTIST:
— Rads (@_radsy) February 17, 2019
2.
Billy where is your homework? "im sorry Ms. Klein my dog- *sees dog in the window make a throat cutting motion* -gone cat ate it"
— The Business Boy (@PajamaBen_) July 31, 2013
3.
If you eat a bunch of spaghetti and wear a sweater to a rap battle you deserve to lose
— Dr. Bucky Isotope, why am I here, am I even real? (@BuckyIsotope) December 28, 2015
4.
being an adult is realizing that everybody has been a dumbass your whole life and they still are, also you are a dumbass, as well
— elon mustard (@nice_mustard) February 22, 2017
5.
https://twitter.com/eedrk/status/1094349742312574976
6.
Whoa, Tom Brady (bam-ba-lam)
Whoa, Tom Brady (bam-ba-lam)
Tom Brady always scores
(bam-ba-lam)
And he hates the poors
(bam-ba-lam)— Charles Drugs (@mattytalks) January 21, 2019
7.
told my wife her new perfume smelled nice and she said "it's jo malone" and i said they should make a perfume called jo malone 2: lost in new york and she said "what are you talking about."
— bobby (@bobby) December 30, 2018
8.
https://twitter.com/ErrorAustralis/status/1078868859086688256
9.
how … how was this even accomplished pic.twitter.com/SgeHpkyxqD
— Patricia Lockwood (@TriciaLockwood) December 20, 2018
10.
https://twitter.com/Cryptoterra/status/1073432590143520768
11.
Mistletoes are the clits of Christmas
— Tam Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) December 8, 2018
12.
all the
small things
at thanks-
giving
uncle's
racist
mom's
high
dad's
pissed
say it ain't so / sweet potatoes
cousin's now goth / hot topic clothes— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) November 21, 2018
13.
(Bar)
Him-Are you seeing anyone?Me-Oh yes.
[I wink at the weird clown that resides on the very edge of my peripheral vision at all times]
— hambone (@toomanytoes) June 2, 2015
14.
“google d-dildoes…” i whisper to siri “GOOGLIN BIG OL DILDOES!!” screams the phone, smashing windows in a 9mile radius & flipping over cars
— on bluesky at explod.es (@egg_dog) September 7, 2012
15.
https://twitter.com/DxGGEAUX/status/1055599385852198915