While Mike Primavera already does a pretty damn good job with his coed weekly funny tweet roundup, we also think that until women get paid as much as men, it’s our duty to single out funny female tweets. Here’s what fire the funny ladies of the Tweeter brought this week.
DISCLAIMER: the headline “22 Women Who Made Us Piss Our Pants Laughing This Week” is a bit misleading. Truth be told, no one makes us piss our pants. We do it because we like it.
she was a punk he did ballet pic.twitter.com/7t09D7UIb8
— Aida (@rxbbersoul) July 7, 2019
So today at the gym I thought my trainer was flirting with me when he asked for my number/ to take a pic of me. Turns out he thought I resembled BUZZ LIGHTYEAR and sent me this. pic.twitter.com/f6SLyH2F33
— Emily Baumgartner (@embaummy) July 10, 2019
Look at this bisexual cat pic.twitter.com/MvraADHvUs
— Elizabeth Sampat (@twoscooters) July 9, 2019
My Uber profile says I’m deaf so when I get into Uber’s I usually just sign hello to them and don’t speak anymore but this Uber driver just called someone and said “this deaf bitch just got in so I can talk for a minute” lmfaooooo
— Nicole (@nicoleslaaww) July 10, 2019
If you ever wonder what having a brother is like…. pic.twitter.com/bnpDhxDxe3
— Marlene Mendez 🍒 (@MarleneDizzle) July 10, 2019
Somehow all of the neighborhood cats managed to get into our trampoline… pic.twitter.com/rRAjgCuuAr
— Bailey (@baileyhall2424) July 6, 2019
Man for a country that doesn’t care about women or soccer, we are fucking amazing at women’s soccer
— Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) July 7, 2019
if someone compliments you on a garment do you ever respond with how cheap it is, like thanks it was $20 on sale, or thanks i got it for $5 off a chinese website, or thanks its actually a burial shroud i thrifted, from a coffin
— Talia Lavin (@chick_in_kiev) July 7, 2019
does jared leto dress like a cult leader full-time now pic.twitter.com/0T2ZooNP6H
— jourdain searles (@jourdayen) July 10, 2019
(opening my god damn email) there better not be any god damn emails in here
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) July 8, 2019
so here’s me pic.twitter.com/EHPlFH0cIn
— Emily Hughes @ SDCC (@emilyhughes) July 10, 2019
So I caught a mole that’s been digging up my plants and tell me WHY he is the most adorable life form in the GALAXY pic.twitter.com/jInDYB8Z0B
— maura (@painthands) July 4, 2019
guys be like “I’m so much smarter than you because I’m talking in a calm, monotoned demeanor and I rarely show emotion, I win”
— leighsandra (@loxvatos) July 9, 2019
Therapist: And what do we say when we feel like this?
Me: It be like that sometimes
— Sabrina (@stfu_sabs) July 8, 2019
Legally Blonde (2001) pic.twitter.com/SUcsccMFEc
— melissa radz (@melissaradz) July 8, 2019
Who the fuck wrote this book about me pic.twitter.com/SkpwJeCLqE
— JC Lau 🦖 (@drjclau) July 7, 2019
As a woman, you haven’t lived until you’ve had a bra-fitter laugh in your face and say “oh honey…” when you tell her what size you’ve been wearing your entire life.
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) July 6, 2019
I will never get over the fact that the overarching theme of Jolene is, bitch I know you could do it, you are fully capable, you’re great. You’re a star. Just could you please not? It’s really a love song to another woman.
— rachel syme (@rachsyme) July 10, 2019
Me and my gals in college: yaaaas let’s drink this BAG of wine & go DAAAANCING
Me and my gals now: Ok so what you are experiencing is repressed trauma and what im about to guide you through is called dialectical behavior therapy
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) July 7, 2019
whoever wrote that “sex is like pizza: even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good” joke was definitely:
-who eats trash
— How To Be Alone (by me Lane Moore) is out now (@hellolanemoore) July 9, 2019
being bisexual means i'm attracted to women AND keanu reeves.
— sarah schauer 🦂 (@SJSchauer) July 8, 2019
I think penguins are spot on. I have no notes for penguins. Flawless. Effortless. Design. Story. Humor. Forward motion. Cohesiveness. A triumph of bird.
— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) July 8, 2019