Even if you’re not dumb, there’s just something about marriage, and committing your life to someone that brings out your own deep-down dumbness. It’s probably because once you’re with somebody, they see you everyday, through the good and the bad, for years upon years, and they’re going to see your bad side every now and then. How to deal with it? Just laugh at it. Here are some guys on Twitter who can poke fun at themselves and their sometimes sub-par husbandly ways.
1. Tearin’ it up.
Marriage teaches you a lot about yourself. For instance, I’ve learned that I don’t need to use so many paper towels, and they’re expensive.
— Pete Lynch (@PJTLynch) March 25, 2013
2. Share the love.
Me: Look, I love you, But I made exactly the amount of cheese & crackers I want to eat right now.
Wife: But I only…
Me: EXACTLY the amount
— keith (@tchrquotes) November 4, 2014
3. Color your world.
Relationship status: My wife asked me what my favorite color was and then told me I was wrong.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) June 20, 2014
4. The last Jed-i-do.
therapist: so why do you want to end your marriage?
wife: I hate the constant star wars puns
husband: divorce is strong with this one
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) May 18, 2015
5. Put a pin in it.
When my wife pisses me off, I get on her Pinterest and pin lots of mediocre shit, like cupcakes that just look like cupcakes.
— The Dad (@thedadonline) March 24, 2013
My wife gives me the speaking treatment.
— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) September 4, 2014