Brian Boone
7. The candy man can’t.
My wife said I need to grow up. I was speechless.
It’s hard to say anything when you have 45 gummy bears in your mouth
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 10, 2014
8. Marriage is “work.”
“I was just about to do that chore that I see you’re starting now”
– Marriage
— The Nutzacker (@Mr_Kapowski) May 10, 2016
9. The heat is on.
[sitting at a table]
Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across.
Me: crosses out and writes new number*thermostat negotiations*
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 12, 2015
10. Bowls are for wimps.
Never ask a woman who is eating ice cream straight from the carton how she’s doing.
— Underchilde (@underchilde) October 1, 2017
11. Hot stuff.
MARRIED SEXT
Her: Is it in?
Him: Not yet
Her: Put it In now!
Him: Ok it’s in
Her: And set the timer! Im not eating burnt lasagna again!
— Will Rodgers (@WilliamRodgers) May 23, 2016
12. What was that?
My wife probably tells me that I never listen to her.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) February 24, 2016