Jason Mustian
While Mike Primavera already does a pretty damn good job with his coed weekly funny tweet roundup, we also think that until women get paid as much as men, it’s our duty to single out funny female tweets. Here’s what fire the funny ladies of the Tweeter brought this week.
DISCLAIMER: the headline “23 Women Who Made Us Piss Our Pants Laughing This Week” is a bit misleading. Truth be told, no one makes us piss our pants. We do it because we like it.
1.
https://twitter.com/csestajacobs/status/1153537506949730305
2.
https://twitter.com/evepeyser/status/1154456966271574018
3.
my therapist: I don’t have an opening until next week
me: I’d like to dye my hair blue
my therapist: see you in five
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) July 24, 2019
4.
“Sure!”— me saying no to something I don’t want to do
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) February 28, 2020
5.
If you watch a movie with me I WILL loudly announce if I see anyone wearing heels at a high school— a thing which has never happened.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) July 24, 2019
6.
Sex work is real work and that's the only thing stopping me from doing it
— Anya Volz (@AnyaVolz) July 21, 2019
7.
I’m sorry to anyone who is friends with me pic.twitter.com/07873fF2oo
— roxana melissa (@bawdyrox) July 23, 2019
8.
https://twitter.com/emilygalati/status/1154454630786588673
9.
crying pic.twitter.com/amDsAUbm1H
— kate (@kaiteasley) July 24, 2019
10.
https://twitter.com/vladyhh/status/1154107560401805314
11.
https://twitter.com/jordylancaster/status/1154211439080542208
12.
why does this dog look like richard gere pic.twitter.com/XLylaBofPQ
— nevona (@nevona) July 24, 2019
13.
"faceapp has your photo now and can use it against you!" – white people who spit in a tube and sent it to a strange factory to learn they are in fact from europe
— Paige Skinner (@paginaskinner) July 20, 2019
14.
https://twitter.com/maisondecris/status/1153375394017533954
15.
I pour my seltzer from the can into a glass at work like I'm the fucking Queen of England.
— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) July 23, 2019
16.
How am I supposed to explain to my children that they don’t exist because I can’t stop telling the men I date about The Mummy
— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) July 22, 2019
17.
Some advice: if you’re ever questioned by a detective, make sure you say something like “Have you ever been in love, Detective?” Or “do you have kids, Detective?” or “Have you ever lost someone close to you, Detective?” just to help further their story along.
— Christine Nangle (@nanglish) July 25, 2019
18.
If oxygen is supposed to reverse aging then why do casino dealers look like that
— Myka Fox (@MykaFox) July 22, 2019
19.
https://twitter.com/PallaviGunalan/status/1153758844671033344
20.
https://twitter.com/RachelWenitsky/status/1154515312269766656
21.
cooking more: great, financially sensible, honestly quite relaxing
the dishes that result: an outrageous and unjust punishment like something from greek myth— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) July 26, 2019
22.
https://twitter.com/erinxu18/status/1153825184811376648
23.
No one:
Dairy Queen employees: pic.twitter.com/OAw2b5xWhW
— Lia (@sssniperwolf) July 1, 2019