Mike
Sometimes it be like that. Or as we used to say, “shit happens.” One of the most important lessons I’ve learned in life is to accept this rule. Messed up things are going to happen that are totally out of your control. Roll with it and move on with your life.
When I was 10 my class was out at recess and it started to rain so I looked up and tried to catch a raindrop in my mouth. Instead, a bird crapped right on my tongue. Everyone saw it. It was then I decided to get funny so people would accept me again and stop asking me if I had eaten any bird turds today.
Roll with it.
1. There’s obviously something very wrong with Patricia, but she’s getting her art out there. Intriguing critics and traumatizing children.
2. We’ve all been behind a truck with these on it and thought about it.
3. Face down, ass up, that’s the way I park my truck.
4. This is why you call an electrician.
5. You find a new accessory in your mom’s room. It’s cool. It fits. It’s a conversation starter. Then someone asks if you smell shit.
6. So close.
7.
This is why we can’t have nice things. I was trying to take a picture of the lobster roll I ordered in Maine and well, this happened 😂🤦🏻♀️ pic.twitter.com/N601vpQ41h
— Alicia Jessop (@RulingSports) June 7, 2019
8. You know how when you open up your bedroom window in the morning to get some fresh air and then there’s a fucking panther sitting out there?
9. Almost had to quit and become a pirate.
10. Blinker for a right turn, oinker for a left turn.
11. Don’t eat more than one piece. Trust me.
12. “Reheat” “Cook” “Popcorn” “Lizard”
13. You were about to poop your pants but you made it to a public bathroom just in time…
14. When you try to make a hedgehog cake but you accidentally summon the devil.
15. What an idiot. The music is playing upside down.
