Mike
I started on Twitter way back in 2011. Back then it was just a small community of people writing silly jokes. It was an innocent time. Way back before a dude with access to nukes was having daily Twitter meltdowns. My how far we’ve come.
Here’s the best from this week:
1.
Country music: Iβm going to live and die in my hometown π
Pop punk music: Iβm going to live and die in my hometown π
β Joey⚡️ (@joeygllghr) October 3, 2019
2.
Me, opening my eyes to see I have two minutes left before my alarm clock goes off: pic.twitter.com/LCtGclewhB
β (((Sα΄Κα΄Μα΄Ι’Ι’S))) (@scrueggs) October 10, 2019
3.
oh my god pic.twitter.com/RTuiHSl8cW
β deathcore whore (@DISIS4BABYFAT) October 8, 2019
4.
High school teachers: your college professors wonβt be nearly as laid back as I am
My college professor: pic.twitter.com/CSAAeqB5LX
β Olivia Reed (@liv_reed17) October 5, 2019
5.
Me and the three other people who donβt want to be at the party on our way to locate the rumoured obese cat in the bedroom pic.twitter.com/SYUae9VLqg
β Mindy Furano (@MindyFurano) October 9, 2019
6.
I want a Joker type movie, but about the fucked-up circumstances that led that guy to become Mr. Bean
β Joe Rumrill (@2tonbug) October 8, 2019
7.
Been one year since the best interaction in human history pic.twitter.com/8vqAmDXgiY
β Parker (@panoparker) October 7, 2019
Full image here:
8.
casual sex implies the existence of ranked competitive sex
β incorrigible mozart goose (@_jazzghost_) October 8, 2019
9.
me: im really shy
me after a few drinks vibing the hell out with someone i met in the bathroom: pic.twitter.com/DMYjUuJjqx
β gary from teen mom (@garyfromteenmom) October 6, 2019
10.
This is a great deal for anyone who is at this airport convenience store and is also a horse. pic.twitter.com/yzMKlyyGjs
β Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) October 6, 2019
11.
[david attenborough voice] the animal world is in constant battle with the pumpkin. https://t.co/MWVHm202tX
β wolf pupy (@wolfpupy) October 4, 2019
12.
fourth law of robotics is ya gotta make it so the eyes go red when they turn evil
β dan chamberlain (@amfmpm) October 4, 2019
13.
it’s soup season baby. where all my real soup sluts at? #slutty4soup
β Trey Smith (@SlimiHendrix) October 3, 2019
14.
Hate when the name of a tv show asks me a question. Am I afraid of the dark? Fuck you. Am I smarter than a fifth grader? Look at me. No.
β vineyille (@vineyille) October 10, 2019
15.
The first seven minutes of my sex tape is me wearing readers while I try to open up a condom.
β Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) October 5, 2019