Mike
Some things are universally relatable. And even if they’re not, sometimes you can’t relate but don’t disagree on any particular point. You don’t see that much these days. Everyone is arguing nonstop. It’s exhausting.
Use these tweets as a palette cleanser to get all of those belligerent comments and hot takes out of your head. We can all get along. At least, with these statements we can.
1.
listen up everyone we’re changing the century thing. from now on the 18th century means the 1800s, 17th century is 1700s, and so on. we’re not doing the weird subtraction thing anymore. we’re changing it. it’s over
— stu (@rinbcage) January 6, 2019
2.
anyone who was a “pleasure to have in class” has an anxiety disorder now
— jacob (@jacob_derodes) December 23, 2018
3.
people from high school get so bitter when you unfollow them on social media like sorry stacy i haven’t talked to you in 2 yrs and don’t really care to see how you’ve evolved from a bitch to a bitch who works for a pyramid scheme
— liv (@olchave) December 27, 2018
4.
IF U UNPLUG THE WIFI BOX FOR 1 SEC THE WHOLE HOUSE ACT LIKE THEY BOUT 2 DIE YOU’LL SEE PPL COME OUT ROOMS YOU ANIT NVR SEEN BEFORE
— ⚜️POTUS 2020⚜️ (@PluckDaGreat) December 28, 2018
5.
girls named megan are the worst because there are infinity ways to spell megan and every girl named megan is the kind of girl who gets extremely offended when you spell her name wrong. “uhhh it’s meaghaheahn, dumass!” ok sorry maugenst please forgive me and also leave
— jake (@squidslippers) December 27, 2018
6.
In my experience, adulthood is mostly piling stuff up on surfaces and then eventually having to clean off those surfaces
— Anna M (@helgagrace) December 24, 2018
7.
Is your dad really your dad if he doesn’t say “who?” after talking about any of your friends even if he’s known them for literally 7 years??
— kelly (@kelkatcox) December 15, 2018
8.
I’m at the point in my life where I check my email as part of my social media line up
— baibai (@Bai_Golden) December 9, 2018
9.
i just wanna say i am SO thankful for fucking potatoes. they are literally good in any form?? french fries? smack. mashed potatoes? smack. baked potatoes? smack. tater tots? smack. skillet potatoes? SMACK. name a form of potatoes that isn’t good….i’ll wait
— sierra (@siurras) December 2, 2018
10.
if bohemian rhapsody starts playing and the person you’re with doesn’t start singing along and at least attempt the different voices, you really need to leave them alone. You just don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.
— maroon // 200 days (@ohhchunky) December 1, 2018
11.
*Girls in the bathroom at the bar* omg you’re gorgeous, here use my makeup, screw your ex you’re so much better than him, add me on snap, ily5ever
*Girls outside of the bathroom* if you bump into me one more time I’m going to fight you
— Jodi Capps (@Jodiiilynne) November 22, 2018
12.
The most important thing I’ve learned in life, and I can’t stress this enough: you gotta make a salad in a bigger bowl than you think
— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) May 14, 2018
13.
FRIEND: so how are you?
ME: I’m well, thanks!
FRIEND: what’s new?
ME: not much!
FRIEND: well, what have you been up to?
ME: why are you doing this to me
— Not Sara (@smithsara79) March 26, 2018
14.
me at 16: leave me alone mom im an adult
me at 23: mom if u dont come to the dentist with me ill end my shit— gary from teen mom (@garyfromteenmom) May 19, 2018
15.
I’m gonna be 89 years old in a retirement home and still be traumatized when I see back to school commercials
— dana (@ahhdanaa) July 27, 2017