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5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today | January 9, 2020

Keeping up with the news is a full-time job. And not a very fun one! But learning about a few things going on in the world today can’t hurt — if for no other reason than having something to make awkward-small talk about at your office or during happy hour!

These are some things we think it mostly can’t hurt knowing today:

1. Meghan Markle And Prince Harry Are Stepping Away From The Royal Family

On Wednesday morning, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle (AKA The Duke and Duchess of Sussex) announced they would be stepping back as “‘senior’ members of the Royal Family and work to become financially independent.”

The pair added that they would be balancing their time between the U.K. and the U.S., partly so that their son Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor (real name) will have “an appreciation for the royal tradition into which he was born,” and also to give the family “the space to focus on the next chapter, including the launch of our new charitable entity.”

Their desire to protect the family from tabloid harassment, especially Meghan, who has had a particularly bad run, is also at the heart of the decision.

Regarding the trolls and tabloids Harry said: “Put simply, it is bullying, which scares and silences people. We all know this isn’t acceptable, at any level. My deepest fear is history repeating itself. I’ve seen what happens when someone I love is commoditized to the point that they are no longer treated or seen as a real person. I lost my mother and now I watch my wife falling victim to the same powerful forces.”

 

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2. The Notorious RBG is cancer-free!

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg has declared that she is “cancer-free,” beating the disease for the fourth time after undergoing treatment for pancreatic cancer in the summer.

The 86-year-old justice, one of the oldest to serve on the Supreme Court, offered the health update to CNN in an interview in her chambers Tuesday evening.

“I’m cancer-free. That’s good,” Ginsburg said, with CNN reporting that she was “sounding energized and speaking animatedly.”

This news likely also means she’ll be returning to her off-season gig next summer:

3. A Nazi set himself on fire while trying to set a synagogue on fire.

A British man was sentenced to indefinite detention, according to the BBC, after having been caught on camera attempting to burn down a synagogue and instead of burning down himself.

The video is like a Looney Tunes cartoon, a true “Instant Karma” classic.

 

4. The “Hot Pockets” jingle in a minor key is sad and somber and you should definitely get into your Spotify heavy rotation.

https://twitter.com/LeftAtLondon/status/1214413102076190720

5. Bride cancels her wedding and allegedly keeps $30k in gifts so she could go on vacation.

On the subreddit r/ChoosingBeggars, Redditor u/joyeuxanniversaire1 shared a screenshot from Facebook of a woman who allegedly got 30 thousand dollars out of her friends and family for her wedding via “donations.” (I like her choice of words, by the way, as if people were contributing to a non-profit or something and not just helping subsidize her big party.)

Anyway, she writes that she and her fiance have decided to postpone the wedding, go on their honeymoon NOW, but that they’ll eventually get married.

Call bullshit?

https://twitter.com/Home_Halfway/status/1176915394629705729

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Jason Mustian

Jason Mustian

Jason is a Webby winning, Short-Award losing humor writer and businessman. He lives in Texas with his amazing wife and four sometimes amazing kids.