5 Things You Should At Least Pretend To Know Today | January 10, 2020

Keeping up with the news is a full-time job. And not a very fun one! But you gotta at least pretend to know a few things so you don’t look like a buffoon while making small-talk at work or during happy hour. These are those things!

1. The economy added 145K jobs in December.

Cue joke about how 120,000 of the jobs added were blowjobs given by your mom, but U.S. hiring slowed sharply in December as employers added 145,000 jobs, raising concerns that trade worries and a persistent downturn in manufacturing may be taking a bigger toll on the broader economy.

Basically, still good, but not as good as expected.

https://twitter.com/AryanaSuhaimi/status/931775263511273473

2. The U.S. is threatening a 100% tariff on French wine, which means you’ll have to pay double or switch to wine from literally any other country.

A potential tariff on wine designed to punish France for its digital services tax on big tech companies, such as Google, Facebook and Amazon could have consequences for those of you who love your Bordeaux.

What does that mean for you? Well, probably paying double for wine from France. Or, more likely, that French wine gets pulled from shelves because carrying inventory will become very expensive.

Luckily most experts think this is a negotiation tactic on behalf of the Trump White House and will never come to fruition (or should I say fermentation?)

3. Company Creates Synthetic Frogs To Use In Dissections, But They Don’t Come With A Lil Top Hat And Cane.

One Florida high school recently eschewed the use of real frogs in dissection by bringing in synthetic but incredibly realistic frogs—and they hope this will change how dissections are handled in classrooms all over the country.

4. Trump sent Kim-Jong Un a Happy Birthday message.

Donald Trump has sent a ‘happy birthday’ message to North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un, wishing him well on his 36th birthday.

Chung Eui-yong, South Korea’s national security adviser, said Trump gave him the message to pass along to Kim during a meeting in Washington on Wednesday.

Chung told South Korean media that Trump wanted President Moon Jae-in to relay the message, and believes it was delivered the next day.

5. Grimes posted another Instagram photo where she appears pregnant, adding to speculation she and Elon Musk are having a baby.

Whoever Grimes is (musician apparently) and Elon Musk (the guy who invented that dumb-looking electric truck) are rumored to be having a baby.

It all started on Wednesday afternoon when Grimes posted an unusual (and not safe for work) photo that showed her naked and was edited to depict a fetus on her stomach. The original photo, which showed Grimes’ nipples, was removed by Instagram within a few hours — she posted a censored version Wednesday evening.

Grimes then posted a second, more SFW image in which she appears pregnant on Thursday morning.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B7HLj6cHBcI/

Representatives for Grimes and Musk didn’t immediately respond to requests for comment. However, in a comment on the original photo, Grimes seemed to imply that she is pregnant: “Being knocked up is a very feral & war-like state of being. Might as well be what it is,” she wrote.

Musk tweeted a baby emoji on Thursday morning but has otherwise been silent on Twitter.

The couple has been dating on and off since 2018, when they made their relationship public by walking the red carpet at the annual Met Gala. Musk has five sons from a previous marriage.

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Jason Mustian

Jason Mustian

Jason is a Webby winning, Short-Award losing humor writer and businessman. He lives in Texas with his amazing wife and four sometimes amazing kids.