Mike
You deserve a reward for making it through another week. Here, have some really funny tweets. Enjoy your weekend. Unless you work weekends. Then you enjoy nothing.
1.
Having siblings be like pic.twitter.com/TNcchRHbRf
— HumbL (@HumbLTweets) January 15, 2020
2.
you wake up.
you’re still a lizard sunning on a red rock. it was all a dream.
the concept of selling “feet pics” to pay back “student loans” is already losing its meaning as you open and lick your own eyeballs to moisten them.
time to eat a bug.
— jim, (@urvillageidiot) January 14, 2020
3.
My postman has left his sack on my doorstep. What does this mean? Am I the postman now? pic.twitter.com/5MHKdQcIb3
— Laura (@fairycakes) January 13, 2020
4.
My dad ate my pizza rolls and this is the message I get ! 😂😂😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/N1nRgb90Qs
— 💛! (@Alayyynnnaa) January 8, 2020
5.
Is there anyone on the planet that doesn’t own this exact box of useless computer cables from 15 years ago that they keep moving to new places as if it were full of gold? pic.twitter.com/OnZYc8rIIQ
— Hashi Alvarez 🆘 (@AlvarezHashi) January 10, 2020
6.
I consider page 2 of google results the dark web.
— Kent Roth 🐅 (@KentenRoth) January 9, 2020
7.
I miss when computers had big fat asses.
— brooke (@brookepobjoy) January 16, 2020
8.
Suffer, as I have suffered pic.twitter.com/Des3eqafSR
— Thouless Art (@Thouless_Art) January 13, 2020
9.
One time when I was like 11 my dad took me to an Italian restaurant and the waiter asked what my name was and I said “Sam but you can call me captain ravioli” and my dad just looked at me and said “what the fuck was that? don’t do that” and I’ve been chasing that high ever since.
— Samantha Ruddy 👩🍳 (@samlymatters) January 15, 2020
10.
go ahead and get in the pond since u wanna act like a silly goose
— benjamin (@lowendfury) January 13, 2020
11.
This is hands down the best movie of the year. pic.twitter.com/iXcsgtPpNP
— Vlad Magdalin (@callmevlad) January 8, 2020
12.
dear NASA employees, does the center you work at have a cafe named “We Are Go For Lunch” and if not why not
— Charles Bergquist (@cbquist) January 16, 2020
13.
If Americans hate socialism so much then why do they all share the same Netflix password hmmmm???
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) January 16, 2020
14.
say jk after sex so you stay a virgin
— ☆ Luis Vercetti ☆ (@97Vercetti) January 15, 2020
15.
ATMs be having $4 withdrawal fees talking about “cover your pin” mf you the thief
— Pre K ❄️ (@stayfrea_) January 14, 2020