Mike
I’m sure you had time to read all the great tweets this week but just in case you didn’t here are the 25 best. Funny jokes are good medicine.
1.
nobody:
90’s boybands:
(-(-_(-_-)_-)-)
— ⚠️maxx⚠️ (@climaxximus) April 16, 2020
2.
Miss you all pic.twitter.com/8J2VJwj0oi
— Adam Sandler (@AdamSandler) April 17, 2020
3.
your friend who thinks they already had it, maybe pic.twitter.com/D1i4wE8ikD
— Matt Buechele (@mattbooshell) April 12, 2020
4.
Editor: You get those photos of Elliott Gould and Grover?
Photographer: Sure did boss, real fuckin sexy just like you asked.
Editor: what pic.twitter.com/WbXJavjufu— Chris Thorburn (@CBThorburn) April 17, 2020
5.
a breakdown of the basketball scene from the movie 3 Ninjas pic.twitter.com/5vQjnZNqcD
— Mike Camerlengo (@MCamerlengo) April 17, 2020
6.
You can’t believe it’s not butter? Buddy, almost everything is not butter
— big simpin (@hippieswordfish) April 15, 2020
7.
What I’ve been missing most these days is just hooting and hollering with the boys in the saloon and then immediately becoming eerily silent every time anyone walks through the door
— wife radicalized by STEM (@gloomfather) April 16, 2020
8.
I oftimes hit up some peanut butter as a late night snack but let me tell you that spoon in the dishes after? I loathe him, despicable character
— Alison Balsam (@foolinthelotus) April 15, 2020
9.
I like how ads have gone from “buy a toyota” to “this is a difficult and uncertain time for us all…buy a toyota”
— california guy now (@InternetHippo) April 14, 2020
10.
“Did I hear the sound of whip cream?” 🐶😍 pic.twitter.com/EVrWSw0iy2
— Madeyousmile (@Thund3rB0lt) April 14, 2020
11.
More like ineligible “Retriever” downfield.
pic.twitter.com/zNLZWGuOj0— Russillo (@ryenarussillo) April 13, 2020
12.
that one follower who likes and rts everything you post pic.twitter.com/CpU3cLKsqS
— seth (@wethsworld) April 13, 2020
13.
congratulations to my cat on getting stuck between the sliding door and the screen door again pic.twitter.com/WIGbSHn09g
— cj (@currentvictim) April 13, 2020
14.
short girls wearing docs clomping around like shetland ponies
— 🍄 (@lovelapsed) April 13, 2020
15.
next time me and the homies can hang out pic.twitter.com/fUuP0U9W1y
— john (@_johnfarnsworth) April 13, 2020
16.
I miss outside pic.twitter.com/Kpf14I2QCM
— Knock Star (@lilknockstar) April 12, 2020
17.
My friend just said that tonight her boyfriend quietly got up from the couch, went into the kitchen, measured out all the ingredients to make pancakes, made One Single Pancake, sat back down on the couch, ate it quietly, and did not even ask her if she wanted one
— Marc (@MarcSnetiker) April 12, 2020
18.
happy ester. i have hidden ur human childs.
— birdsrightsactivist (@ProBirdRights) April 12, 2020
19.
“What if we gave every mom an absolute dumptruck ass” -pixar
— philip matarese (@philorphilip) April 11, 2020
20.
things were better when, in case anything negative happened to you, you could hop on a clipper ship and be a sea guy for the rest of your life
— tybuddhaboy (@tybuddhaboy) April 10, 2020
21.
currently obsessed with my local butcher; i called and asked if they have whole chickens and a man with a basso-profundo new yawk accent said “of course we have the birds. you think this is gonna stop us from having the birds?”
— rachel syme (@rachsyme) April 10, 2020
22.
i’m baby pic.twitter.com/zB0Uqh8WKr
— buns iverson (@FranziaMom) April 16, 2020
23.
When a TV weatherman is forced to work from home. pic.twitter.com/1tvs3E6UA1
— Lorenzo The Cat (@LorenzoTheCat) April 15, 2020
24.
Morpheus: Take the blue pill, story ends
Neo:
Morpheus: Red pill, stay in wonderland
Neo:
Morpheus: Green pill, you learn to juggle
Neo: What-
Morpheus: This purple one is a skittle
— Glenn (@Shenaniglenns) April 15, 2020
25.
It was just day 22 of quarantine when Charlie completed his bucket list, while I was still only halfway through War and Peace. pic.twitter.com/DLLGjZilNa
— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) April 14, 2020