Mike
I’m sure you had time to read all the great tweets this week but just in case you didn’t here are the 25 best. Funny jokes are good medicine.
1.
just gonna go ahead and delete the calendar app
— Pete Holmes (@peteholmes) May 1, 2020
2.
Remember when being a millennial meant you were young
— Simu Liu (@SimuLiu) April 30, 2020
3.
i hate the “watch a movie” suggestion when i say im bored. shut up. i have no attention span. i need to chew on batteries
— megan (@slitthroatz) April 30, 2020
4.
mfs get one banger tweet and have that shit pinned like a championship banner
— Waddles (@itsWaddles_) April 30, 2020
5.
I have never saw a month get up outta here the way April did.
— Camille (@SovereignCee) April 29, 2020
6.
Important!! pic.twitter.com/kwlmCXd0vO
— rebug (@rebugmp4) April 29, 2020
7.
we still have no idea if the dictator of north korea is alive but we literally got bored and stopped caring. the human attention span is undefeated
— eli the cutie pie (@jazz_inmypants) April 30, 2020
8.
*soft, hopeful piano*
“Honda has always wanted you to be safe and doesn’t want you to die of COVID very much at all…actually Honda is really good and is a good person…and that is why… Honda cars and truck… are…for sale…”
— Gabriel Gundacker (@gabegundacker) May 1, 2020
9.
Me to all the fellas when this quarantine ends pic.twitter.com/WhNPooJYTY
— Notorious JOE (@JoePopBrand) April 30, 2020
10.
made a Rube Goldberg machine pic.twitter.com/gWRNnmm5Ic
— COLiN BURGESS (@Colinoscopy) April 30, 2020
11.
this is the funniest sentence ever written pic.twitter.com/9N8cA1TTmt
— james (@Gilofthepeople) April 30, 2020
12.
Just while I wait for them to have an actual rematch. pic.twitter.com/yVsaXD9bNS
— Andrew Cotter (@MrAndrewCotter) April 29, 2020
13.
Gotta make sure them tongs is tonging https://t.co/LOVYjxh6tA
— Charles J. Moore (@charles270) April 26, 2020
14.
thinking about a guy browsing the library of alexandria like I use netflix, awed at the size and scope of possibility before going back to the same two or three scrolls
— James Colley (@JamColley) April 25, 2020
15.
— PTSDGuts Redux (@PTSDGuts2) April 23, 2020
16.
ESPN DRAFT PROFILE
Name: Tee Higgins
Position: WR
Strengths: Ridiculous hands, huge catch radius
Personal: As a child watched the vicious landlord Chiu-Feng slaughter his entire family, lives only for vengeance against the dastardly land barons of Sichuan province
— BUM CHILLUPS (@edsbs) April 24, 2020
17.
First date vs. Third date pic.twitter.com/LyTjSRXRRQ
— Jocelyn Plums (@ColoradoUgly) April 24, 2020
18.
I’m starting to think that Life is not a Highway after all
— Devon Palmer (@devonpalmers) April 26, 2020
19.
*a jerk swings a hammer at me but i duck and hold up a birdhouse that’s one nail shy of being finished*
— a bigger boat 🦈 (@drankturpentine) April 24, 2020
20.
— Alexandria Neonakis (@Beavs) April 30, 2020
21.
Pineapples went way hard. Knives on top. Shark teeth around the sides. Once you get inside you think you’ve won until the juice starts eating your fuckin tongue. Absolutely metal.
— clean slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) April 29, 2020
22.
it’s funny they call them “unidentified flying objects”. I could identify them right away. those are ufos
— slick (@dlicj) April 28, 2020
23.
An A+ photobomb would recommend https://t.co/jxrjwG9D18 pic.twitter.com/43y7scV9NK
— ratemytiktoks (@ratemytiktoks) May 1, 2020
24.
I’m locked out of my dogs Facebook account that i created in 2010 and they won’t let me back in unless I send over a copy of his drivers license
— soccerbabe2003 (@realemilyattack) April 26, 2020
25.
i shall simply summer in the east wing of my 600 sq foot apartment https://t.co/baXHRv8Z9j
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) April 27, 2020
More funny tweets:
- Twitter Thread Discusses Whether Or Not Cats Have Arms Or Just Legs (11 Tweets)
- Twitter Thread Shows How Silly It Is When Hollywood Makes The Exact Same Movie In The Same Year (21 Tweets)
- 25 Tweets Everyone Should’ve Read This Week
- When Things Go Wrong Working From Home, Blame Your “Coworkers” (30 Tweets)
- If 2020 Had A Flavor It’d Be Orange Juice And Toothpaste (20 Tweets)