22 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday

I really love twitter. There’s a lot of trash on there these days but the really funny tweets are still around if you know where to look. Or you could just stop by this weekly twitter post and let me do all of the hard work for you.

1.

https://twitter.com/J_Prestoo/status/1075846921862840320

2.

https://twitter.com/rx__queen/status/1075831353625604096

3.

my guinea pig tasted a lemon today pic.twitter.com/Y1OiFQZEZe

— bober kurwa 🦫 (@leftovercroc) December 19, 2018

4.

https://twitter.com/IanKarmel/status/1075905780099018753

5.

Girl: Rearrange my 𝓰𝓾𝓽𝓼 daddy

Surgeon: Why isn’t she under anesthesia

Anesthesiologists: She’s under so much anesthesia

— john patrick: future president (@john_from_hr) December 19, 2018

6.

Asked mom why the cat keeps trying to dig in the couch. So I guess I’m making couch cushion forts with my cat on my day off. What in the actual hell 😅 pic.twitter.com/41oPeaF0kT

— Waffle Daddy (@AlainaLucius) December 19, 2018

7.

https://twitter.com/yasmeentxt/status/1075463625215827968

8.

Dudes named James have so much pressure at an early age. Will they stick with the nerdy name james, or go by the business casual name Jim, or the sporty outgoing Jimmy, or the feminine gentle name Jamie, or be super goofy and go by Jimbo

— gregg (@Gregggyboy) December 19, 2018

9.

Abby is a thicc girl
What an absolute unit
She c h o n k
Look at the size of this lady
OH LAWD SHE COMIN
Another Internetism ! pic.twitter.com/s5fav2gu09

— Monterey Bay Aquarium (@MontereyAq) December 18, 2018

10.

I followed my ex’s new girl on IG to peep what she look like & this bitch changed the caption on one of her pictures to “Hi Kelsie” LMAOOOOOO I’m crine

— kels (@kelsieesquibel) December 17, 2018

11.

https://twitter.com/BillyNewhall_/status/1073970097272881152

12.

are we supposed to just accept that gingerbread men live in houses built from the flesh of their fellow men

— sweatpants cher🔸 (@House_Feminist) December 18, 2018

13.

i know the internet has fundamentally broken me cause i just laughed about this for a solid 45 seconds pic.twitter.com/4II83hoaga

— Cates Holderness (@catesish) December 19, 2018

14.

Contractor: well it’s not really in an ideal location. Traffic patterns would be a nightmare, you can’t really get in and out of the parking lot easily, and there really wouldn’t be much parking for customers and employees.

Chick-fil-A owner: I’ll take it.

— Parker Reeves (@IBParker) December 15, 2018

15.

https://twitter.com/gIimmerin/status/1074785381835526144

16.

So this happened yesterday.. My little sister thought she could guard me lol 😂Then my mom came on the court 💙 pic.twitter.com/W7zLJp6Keb

— 𝓓𝓲𝓸𝓷𝓭𝓻𝓮 𝓐𝓵𝓮𝔁𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓮𝓻 ✪ (@Due2e_D) December 16, 2018

17.

https://twitter.com/naaeee__xx/status/1074840406221877249

18.

Sooo do I live out of a suitcase for the next month? Do I unpack just so I have to repack again? Do I put my toothbrush back in the bathroom? I’m a visitor in my own house what the heck

— lauren 👁️ (@_laurenn_j) December 14, 2018

19.

https://twitter.com/kelkatcox/status/1074071098197729280

20.

https://twitter.com/DukeLathem/status/1073805087821127680

21.

Our dragon holiday display got fan mail! (And apparently the "true meaning of Christmas" involves judgmental bullshit?) 😂 pic.twitter.com/7NLZKkEW2x

— Diana Rowland (@dianarowland) December 15, 2018

22.

https://twitter.com/gohomeben/status/1074157980273307651