Mike
I got drunk and made a list of the funniest tweets I could find on Twitter. Then I looked up on Amazon how much it would be to send live leeches to my friend who is terrified of leeches. Then I ate a whole frozen pizza. Then I finished this tweets list. Now I’m sleepy.
1.
https://twitter.com/_jamescruz/status/1089503782147260421
2.
What a bottle flip from the kid in the stands pic.twitter.com/sQjS1LPr2K
— Marty Mush (@martymush) January 27, 2019
3.
https://twitter.com/mberwebb/status/1065389701094363136
4.
This thing cost me $300 and it’s an empty box pic.twitter.com/gJ9T6arw1m
— adam.the.creator (@AdamPadilla) January 27, 2019
5.
https://twitter.com/TaylorLorenz/status/1089352760275931137
6.
https://twitter.com/Yassir_Lester/status/1088278603043766272
7.
is there anything more capitalist than a peanut with a top hat, cane, and monocle selling you other peanuts to eat
— Cohen is a ghost (@skullmandible) August 29, 2013
8.
https://twitter.com/sullycide/status/1087731393860268032
9.
https://twitter.com/Datcasey/status/1087493065277751297
10.
my dogs stuffed animal was left outside and my dad made sure so save him.. pic.twitter.com/ysgViljoxS
— kay (@oohhhkayyy) January 24, 2019
11.
https://twitter.com/702Austin/status/1088183744249311232
12.
when i go to a website and my computer fan turns on, that’s how i know it’s a good website
— Nicole He (@nicolehe) January 24, 2019
13.
Is it just me or does this math not work out https://t.co/Whnlb4beaB
— Tanya Chen (proud polyworker) (@tanyachen) January 24, 2019
14.
I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of The Office episodes and then asked it to write a The Office episode of its own. Here is the first page. pic.twitter.com/RV84VTHYWH
— Keaton Patti (@KeatonPatti) January 22, 2019
15.
https://twitter.com/stfutony/status/1087554767298093056
16.
https://twitter.com/farahazzouzz/status/1087164909111128064
17.
https://twitter.com/AnnaGHughes/status/1087759510658199552
18.
https://twitter.com/solflowerrs/status/1087135540271431680
19.
Any guy who is 5’9: “I’m 5’11”
— Erica (@eerrriiicaa) January 21, 2019
20.
to whoever needed to see this:
throw away your empty liquor bottles, they’re not decor— demon queen (@_zodiaccat) January 20, 2019