Fun Things To Do With Your Urine

In today’s modern world of eco-consciousness, you are undoubtedly concerned about the exorbitant amount of urine you are just flushing down the toilet each day. It certainly seems like a waste, doesn’t it? Well, then you’ll be happy to learn that there are plenty of practical ways to recycle that pee into something more useful than sewage contaminant. Here are some of the most exciting things you can do with that collected pee stream:

how wasteful
how wasteful

Fertilize Your Garden

If you’ve been pissing on your neighbors tomato garden, then you’re on to something. Urine is chemically rich in nitrogen, phosphorous and potassium – three key ingredients found in commercially produced fertilizer. The only problem is that your piss is actually TOO chemically rich, which can lead to plant damage. To provide a healthy dose of nutrients, experts recommend one part urine per 20 parts water.

Drink it!

Yeah, we all know that drinking urine just might save your life if you’re ever set adrift on a raft in the middle of the ocean. But luckily, you don’t have to be dehydrated to enjoy the benefits of drinking pee. Urine has natural bleaching properties, which means a glass a day could keep those pearly whites of yours nice and shiny. Additionally, many cultures drink urine as a home remedy to prevent colds. Not keen on the idea of drinking that same can of Mountain Dew a second time? Too bad – we’ve all got to do our part to reduce, reuse and recycle.

Blow Something Up

Back in the day, urine was used in a pinch to help make black powder for ammunitions. To accomplish this, you’ll need to store the urine somewhere so it can ferment for over a year (may I suggest on your kitchen counter in a pitcher marked “lemonade”?). The fermentation causes salts to formulate in the urine. Combine these salts with sulphur and charcoal and BLAM! You’re ready to blow stuff up.

Power Your iPod

Urine as a source of electricity? You better believe it. Researchers in Singapore have already harnessed the potent power of pee to create urine-powered batteries. Apparently, when urine is dropped on copper chloride paper, it creates a chemical reaction that produces electricity. With just a few drops, you’ve got the equivalent of a AA battery. Go ahead, pee on your iPod – see if it works!


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FAQs About Me

I don’t know why, but for some reason strangers are constantly stopping me on the street or approaching me in a restaurant to ask me questions about my life. I suppose I just have one of those magnetic personalities. If you run into me one day and want to know more about me, please don’t hesitate to ask. After all, if I were you, I’d want to know how I got so great, too. But in an effort to dispense the mysteries of me in a more efficient manner, here are some answers to the most frequently asked questions about me:

What are you wearing?
An Australian Barmah hat. I always wear one when I venture outside of the house. For one, because the wide brim helps keep the sun out of my eyes. For two, I just plain like the way it makes my head look.

No, not the hat. I mean, what are you wearing on your body?
Oh, that. It is a full-body lycra nude suit. It gives me the appearance of being naked, without actually being so.

Why don’t you watch where you’re going?
Because if you had been watching where you were standing, then I wouldn’t have had to push you out of the way.

Can I get you some more ranch dressing?
I told you already, at least one of my shot glasses should be filled at all times. Do you want a good tip or not?

Who are you?
I am a friend of your father’s. He got stuck at work and asked me to pick you up from school. Here, have a candy bar.

Is that a real mustache?
Yes. Well, that is to say it was real at one time. The rats I got it from are long dead by now.

Sir, will you kindly leave?
Like I said, this is a nude SUIT. I’m not actually naked. Which means I can rub all I want and technically it’s not lewd conduct.

Are you a cop?
You really like to play it on the safe side, don’t you? Geez, next thing you know, you’re going to be asking me to wear a condom.

How do you sleep at night?
On the floor, in a nest made of shredded newspaper and yarn, curled up in a ball so I can properly incubate my “eggs.”


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