Mike
I’m sure you had time to read all the great tweets this week but just in case you didn’t here are the 25 best. Funny jokes are good medicine.
1.
a very important text from my dad pic.twitter.com/2gdG4V2FAX
— ysayle enjoyer (@allaganeyes) November 26, 2020
2.
Tell me why my mom thought The Rock’s float was Ruth Bader Ginsburg pic.twitter.com/ckvMo431ud
— caycedilla (@caycemorris) November 26, 2020
3.
men love to have a backyard so they can go pee in it when they’re drunk
— christina (@douzmanian) November 27, 2020
4.
what is the purpose of two truths and a lie. how about three truths and we just get to know one another.
— caleb in nyc 10/9 (@calebsaysthings) November 26, 2020
5.
My parents definitely love me the most but they play it cool by making me sleep in the room with the Bowflex in it
— danny t (@tersyderlot) November 27, 2020
6.
we gotta get this goddamn vaccine https://t.co/Q8vrWkDG4H
— klimt eastwood (@nisipisa) November 25, 2020
7.
I’m tired of being the single friend, so I bought these to leave in all my boys cars so they can get into an argument with they girl 😒 pic.twitter.com/k3VTrwq3RP
— pedro (@WolfOfDallass) November 24, 2020
8.
this stupid ass mf the reason im at work rn pic.twitter.com/G5f1EsEuuW
— eddy (@Trollacoaster) November 23, 2020
9.
My hospital hired an employee whose only job is to go around saying hi to other employees while they work pic.twitter.com/WWXNeEiWne
— Shari Dunaway, MD (@ShariDunawayMD) November 20, 2020
10.
https://twitter.com/august_reigns/status/1330704068134637569?s=20
11.
chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing
— cass (@cassthevirgin) November 22, 2020
12.
I told my daughter to grab her mask so we can go to the store. This was the mask she grabbed. pic.twitter.com/JQdRZltCSv
— Maintaining ✨ (@SunsetSoFresh) November 22, 2020
13.
another day of staring at the big screen while scrolling through my little screen so as to reward myself for staring at the medium screen all week
— Delia Cai (@delia_cai) November 22, 2020
14.
Me trying to get my life together pic.twitter.com/1CnKVtXsBU
— Rad Tasia, Powerful Moon Seer (@GroovyTasia) November 24, 2020
15.
— ꧁Madimoiselle꧂ (@drivingmemadi) November 24, 2020
16.
the job hunt is going well pic.twitter.com/t1SOF3bqZk
— sgt balls 2: ceo of enron jeff skilling (@sgtballsvevo) November 24, 2020
17.
https://twitter.com/snootid/status/1330328750249152512?s=20
18.
666: The number of the beast
668: The neighbor of the beast
— Pandy Fackler (w/ yams) (@ThatBrenna) November 22, 2020
19.
There's a lot to talk about with Teddy Roosevelt's daughter but I'm distracted by how much this whips ass pic.twitter.com/3KSvf3Y8UB
— Ron Iver (@ronnui_) November 23, 2020
20.
subway is the only chain that realizes the ideal bread texture is soft/wet, like it’s been breathed on a lot by a dog
— carter hambley (@carterhambley) November 22, 2020
21.
Wash my bathtub? lol yeah right after I mow my lawnmower
— Thank You Man God Bless (@Senn_Spud) November 22, 2020
22.
every boyfriend gift guide is just:
-hot sauce
-alcohol
-new underwear for when he shits himself from all the hot sauce and alcohol
-a watch— ditch pony (@molly7anne) November 24, 2020
23.
This lawnmower cost way too much to be only cutting grass…I’m finna ride to Subway pic.twitter.com/kWsvVKwEgF
— TЯACE (@scruched) November 23, 2020
24.
My Dad once took a BDSM leather making class without knowing what BDSM was.
At the end of the course he gave me this pom pom to “use while cheering for the Detroit Lions”. pic.twitter.com/o2lq4JjfeY
— Jol Jol (@theWALKOWSKI) November 25, 2020
25.
Think i might mix my dishrag up with my bowling ball rag and get some diseases that only dogs usually get
— wint (@dril) November 25, 2020
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